Enough is enough

A friend recently said to me, "Enough is enough." When will I reach that point? When will I truly be able to let go and let God? When will I stop gripping so tightly to something I care so deeply about but is filled with unfulfilled promises, delusions, and hurt? There is no happy ending there. None. It's all in my head. I keep hoping and wanting more, but it can never be. But I still don't want to let go. Is there a breaking point? If there is, and I haven't hit it yet, goodness gracious, I don't want to see what that will look like. There is so much fear and so much hurt. But I still care...deeply. The Lord says He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I feel that, believe that, and know that to be true. I feel His peace deep down inside; it's the only thing keeping me from completely unraveling. It may just be a glimmer, but I know it's there. He will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13), at least beyond what I can bear when I am walking through life in His strength. I do believe He will allow us to be broken to the point where we are pushed towards full reliance on Him. He can turn anything for the better; He can make all things new (Revelation 21:5). He can never restore or heal that which I have not fully released unto Him. There is a lot of hurt, confusion, depression, questions....but I will not let my faith falter during this time. I will not turn my back on God. He is my ever present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). I love Him with every ounce of my being. I desire to have my every breath be for His glory, my every word to bring life, my every action to further His Kingdom. I want to be wholly abandoned and emptied unto myself, so that my life can be filled with everything of God, so much so that it overflows to others. I want to become lesser, so He can become greater (John 3:30). Lord, hear my cry. Know my heart. I am not giving up this fight. I will hold onto my faith and seek You. Though I may fail, though I will fail, and make mistakes, Lord, thank you for your grace and mercy, and your unconditional love and forgiveness. I am so not worthy. Lord, I love you. I so deeply love you. When will enough be enough?