The Art of Saying No

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

In such a fast-paced world, there is always something going on. Work, family, friends, social activities, commitments, church, volunteering, etc. Life can get filled up with so much STUFF that we barely find time to take a breath, to pause, and to rest. Why do we do that? Why do we feel the need to have to be present at every activity, as if we're going to miss out on something if we're not there? Why do we over-commit ourselves to more than any sane human can balance in their life? We feel like if we don't do that social function, or don't commit to every volunteer opportunity, that we will lose our friends, our reputation will crumble, and life will pass us by.

But what if stretching ourselves too thin and saying "yes" to everything is really dishonoring to those commitments because when we are there, we aren't able to give all of ourselves. We are so run down, thinking about the next commitment or thing we have to be at, and not present at our current activity. When will we learn that it is ok to say "No" to some things? When will we learn the art of saying "No"? It's ok to not attend every social event. It's ok to not be able to be there for every single friend every single time they need something.

This idea of saying "no" can apply to so much more than just life commitments or social activities. What about saying "no" to buying that extra outfit or extra pair of shoes that you know you can't afford in your budget? What about saying "no" to eating out, and packing your lunch because you know you need to save money? Or what about saying "no" to that sin or temptation that creeps into your life every time you get weak?

Sometimes....the art of saying NO is the best YES!

What I mean by that is this: God wants what is best for us. Yes he wants us to be in relationship with others, to have community, accountability, etc. But He doesn't want all those things to take full precedence over time spent with Him. Sometimes, it is in God's Will for us to say "no" to things and to turn them down. Saying "no" to our sins, addictions and temptations may be extremely difficult, but we know it's what is best for us. Even the things that we think may be good for us, like volunteering at church, going out with friends, those things may seem beneficial and honoring to God, but if our schedules are too jam-packed to fulfill those obligations and activities with our complete focus and best performance, in a way, it could not be what God had in mind. Maybe the best answer, our best YES, is to actually say no to things.

This is something I have really had to work on over the last couple years, and I think I've gotten slightly better at it. Being involved in so many things definitely fills up my schedule, but does it fill up my life, does it fill up my heart and spirit? The only true time that my heart feels full is when I am sitting in God's presence, one on one, because I made time for Him, because I had to say "no" to something else. It's ok to say no. Don't feel guilty about it. It might be something you have to say in order to bring a sense of order to your life, or a sense of peace. God does not want us chaotic running around trying to be EVERYTHING to EVERY PERSON. That is God's job, that is His role. It says in 1 Corinthians 14:33 "For God is not a God of disorder, but of peace." Let your yes be yes, let your no be no (Matthew 5:37).

The Motivating Chasm

A friend recently sent me a blog post that spoke straight to my soul...

Here are some of the excerpts...
"Moving on isn’t always about speeding enthusiastically forward so much as it’s about having one foot on the gas and the other on the brakes – releasing and accelerating in turn. You’re not a failure for getting to someplace amazing and still feeling like a part of yourself is missing once you get there. You’re not pathetic for mourning while you grow. The bad things don’t disappear in the blink of an eye and the good things don’t spring up into existence without reigning at least a tiny bit of collateral damage. It takes time for everything to even out. And it should.

We have to be patient with ourselves as we move through the parts in between the where we’ve been and where we’re going. We have to let the chasm motivate rather than dishearten us. It’s okay to not be there yet. It’s okay to be unsure of every step that you take forward. We don’t talk about how moving on sometimes feels like we’re fighting every part of our most basic instincts, but we should. We should talk about how growth is often every bit as painful as it is beautiful.

Because growth and letting go are so complexly intertwined that we often only see one or the other. We forget that they can exist side by side – releasing the old while letting in the new. We forget that we have the ability to do the exact same thing. And that if we’d only stop beating ourselves up over it, we might realize just how far we’ve already come."

Wow, I read that, and just sighed relief. It's always comforting when you read something that puts your own thoughts into words or your own emotions into concrete ideas. We all struggle with something. We all have our battles. Some are big, some are small. Some we defeat in a moment, and some we battle our entire lives, never to overcome. Maybe the goal is not always to focus on the finish line, maybe the Lord is testing our faith to see how we handle the race and journey in between. I can attest to this intertwining that the blog mentions. Some days I feel like I am on top of the world, I see my progress, I feel strong, bold, like I'm going to make it through this. Other days, I feel like I've taken 10 steps back, like I'm at ground zero, and get lost in the feeling of defeat.

But I love how that blog post called us to handle the complexly intertwining of our growth and letting go. Be patient. Show yourself some grace. Forgive yourself. Know that the Lord, Creator of the Universe, loves you unconditionally, and knows your struggle inside and out. He is with you through it all, and He is patient with you as you fight the battle. But the key is to remember you are not fighting it alone. God will help you fight it. You will see glimpses of His presence and help in little moments or big ways. He will send people into your life to speak encouragement to you at just the right time. He will show you favor at times when you feel like the whole world is against you. He will soften your aching heart with his comfort through a beautiful song, a warm summer day, or a friend's hug. That chasm between where you think you should be and where you are holds both beauty and disaster all in one, but it motivates us to keep pressing on into each day.

Life and Death

This last month has been filled with a number of encounters of death and life. I have two friends from church who lost their grandmothers within days of each other. As I sat in a row in the back of the funeral home and watched my friend weep as she read a poem about her grandmother, I just wondered...what does death even mean? Why does it have to happen? It brings so much sadness and hurt to so many. I've never lost anyone close to me to death. I've lost people in my life, but not to death. Is perhaps the entire purpose of losing someone or something to show how you respond and react to that loss? If that's the ultimate test, I can say I feel like I'm failing my test. I've let my loss completely unravel me for years. But yet, not without faith. I still believe. I believe in God. I believe in His goodness. I believe He does have a greater plan beyond all the hurt and suffering of this world. It's why He died on a cross for us, so that we can have hope for tomorrow. There are many days I have felt hopeless, but with Jesus, you just keep pushing through it. Someway, somehow. You keep breathing and trying to wake up that next morning. So, what is the purpose of death? Of loss? Another friend of mine just lost her mother to Lou Gehrig's disease in the last week. Although I couldn't make the funeral, I watched a recording of it online. Listening to the testimony of the family and friends who loved her mother dearly, you could hear of the endless lives she touched and impacted. There were numerous people she showed Christ's love to, and as a result, their lives were forever changed. They now know the Lord themselves, or their faith and relationship with the Lord was deepened and strengthened. Maybe that's the purpose of loss right there. Many lives can be changed through just one. Maybe that could be the redeeming quality and goodness that God can bring out of death.

But then also this month, two of my close friends and my sister-in-law all had babies. As I held each of those three babies in my arms, I thought...although there is death in this world, there is also the miracle of life. The Lord both gives and takes away. Although death will inevitably come, He also blesses us and entrusts us to create and bring new life into this world, to continue the cycle, to raise up, and teach them of Christ's love too. The innocence and beauty of a newborn child is enough to revive new hope in me for a new day. With each new day, God grants us new mercies. I will forever hold on to that promise, for myself, and for all those experiencing great loss and hurt in their lives.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Behind the Veil

What lies behind the veil?

It's a hidden place. That which is hidden could be both good or bad. If good, perhaps it is something special or sacred, only for a select few to know and access. If bad, perhaps darkness, secrets, and sin.

We all have a veil. We all have a part of ourselves that the outside world sees, and a part of ourselves that lies beyond the veil, that only our inner world sees, or perhaps just God.

What is it for you? Is it your faith, kept secret and sacred to yourself, not sharing with the world out of fear of seeming judgmental or discriminatory? Is it your struggle with weight? Depression? Insecurity? Fear of commitment? Inability to love or be loved? Is it an addiction?

For many, our lives stay veiled forever, never to let anyone in to see the true us. We fear rejection. We fear judgement.

In the Old Testament, Jewish people worshiped in a tabernacle, which was separated into different sections. There was the outer court, the inner court (holy place), and the most holy place called the Holy of Holies. An average person could enter the outer court, priests could enter the inner court, but only the High Priest could go behind the veil to the Holy of Holies. The Jewish people believed that the presence of God lived in that most holy place. So, before the high priest entered, he had to go through a series of purification rituals. The Jewish people were kept at a distance from their God, and only through a series of rituals and sacrifices, could they meet their God or be in His presence.

However, this all changed when Jesus entered the scene. At his death and crucifixion, the Bible says: "At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split..." Matthew 27:51. Basically, the veil, the very symbol of what represented the split between God and man in the Jewish religion, was torn in two on that day. Jesus came to bridge that gap between God and man, so that we can come before our God clothed in Christ's righteousness. In Hebrews 6: 19-20, it says. "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek." Christ has torn the veil that allows us to enter into God's presence. He sees all of us, all our good and bad kept behind our veil, and He dares to go beyond that veil. He goes beyond it and loves us all the same knowing every piece of our lives.

If we can come to claim that kind of love in our lives - the kind of love that goes behind our veil into the darkest places in our lives and accepts and loves us all the same - just imagine the kind of freedom that would come from that.

So, what lies behind your veil? What have you kept hidden in your Holy of Holies? Are you willing to have an all-loving Savior come tear it down, and set you free?

Arm Yourself...The Battle is On

Lies can be powerful.

They can destroy your sense of self. They can manipulate your perspective on life or a situation. They can alter your behavior, take over your mind, and ultimately change who you are.

I've struggled with believing lies for most of my life. Not only about who I am, but also about what I've done. I carry my past with me, it changes how I live my life for today, and places immense amount of fears and doubts about my future. Here are just some of the lies...

• I don't have the emotional strength to keep fighting through my depression.
• I am alone.
• My sin and brokenness are too deep and serious to ever come back from and find wholeness again.
• God is disappointed and ashamed of me.
• I must be ALL things for ALL people.
• I must be perfect. Perfectionism is key for God and others to love me.
• The hurt and pain will never go away.

I could go on and on. Believing these things in my heart and mind have been crippling and have kept me from truly living out a life of victory and joy through Jesus Christ.

Until last fall, I'm not sure where I came up with this idea, if someone told me about it or if I read about it somewhere. I started a Lie/Truth Journal. I thought...What's the #1 thing that can fight the lies in our head? TRUTH! And where is the #1 place where I can find infallible truth? GOD'S WORD...THE BIBLE! So I started this journal. Each day, I write down one lie that I believe about myself or my life. Then, I write down one truth or promise of God that I find in scripture that counters and tears down that specific lie. I can't tell you how much victory I have found in this! Yes, some days, I have the same lie that comes to mind, but what's great is I can look back through my journal and reread those truths. One day at a time, I am taking a lie and shoving it back in Satan's face saying "Not today, Satan!"

Lies can be powerful. But God's Word is the most powerful weapon we have.

Stand up. Arm yourself. The battle is on. Victory has already been won. Claim it.

Shattering Lies

I just got back from a weekend spiritual retreat in Outerbanks, NC with 35 other ladies in my Christian Leadership Training International class I have been taking over the last year. It was an incredibly powerful weekend where we felt the presence of the Holy Spirit seeping through every moment, song, teaching, and prayer. The Lord instilled in my heart that He understood why things happened the way they did in my last relationship. He reassured me that He loved me unconditionally. He gently whispered words of forgiveness to me over and over again, because He knows how much I need to hear it multiple times. He told me I will be redeemed, without a doubt. There are times when I doubt I will make it through this period in my life. I doubt I will be strong enough to move on; I doubt the wound will ever heal, and that the sadness will ever dissipate. But He told me, there is no doubt. "You will make it through, Lauren, trust Me...", He says. He even told me He will use my brokenness from this relationship to reach others. That made me think of this quote that keeps crossing my path of life numerous times; it's a quote from Pastor Rick Warren from his book The Purpose Driven Life: "Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts." That quote practically terrified me throughout all of 2014 every time I read it. I don't know if my deepest hurts will be used in public ministry or some other avenue, but I do know and accept the Lord will use it. He can and does bring goodness out of ALL things. (Romans 8:28).

One of the most powerful moments from the retreat was during a time of prayer when the retreat leaders asked us to stand up if we wanted to ask for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. They went around the room, laid hands on individuals and prayed for them. I didn't feel called to stand up at this point in the retreat, but if the Lord has a message to tell you, He will find a way to speak it to you. The Pastor made her rounds and when she got to me, instead of passing by, she stopped, bent down, and told me the Lord spoke to her about me. Really? I had no clue what she was about say. She said that the Lord told her I will use the power and gift of discernment to call out the lies in people's lives and help them find the Truth to overcome those lies. She said I will use the strength and power I've had to overcome the lies in my own life to help others. God gave her a vision of me walking down a street with lies shattering like glass on my left and my right. She said that I would use this gift to reach many and to help them find healing.

Wow, Holy Spirit, wow. Speechless, and in awe of You....

Goodbye 2014, Hello 2015

At the start of 2015, I want to take a few moments to reflect on the best moments of 2014, remember how God blessed me, and give thanks to Him.

Here are some of the highlights from my 2014...

JANUARY: Celebrated my nephew Forrest turning 1 year old in Warsaw, VA.

FEBRUARY: On February 2nd, I was baptized as an adult at Waters Edge Church.

MARCH: Went to Frederick, MD for an Orphan Helpers dinner gala and fundraiser, Seeds of Hope, with my colleagues.
















APRIL: I went to Wake Forest, NC for a weekend to visit my favorite little man. #NephewLove

MAY: I went to Sarasota, FL with college friend Mary to see my college roommate Melissa get married to Joel. :) First time in Florida.

JUNE: Went to South Nags Head in Outerbanks, NC with my family for a week long beach vacation. OBX is pretty much our favorite vacation spot. :)

JULY: I road tripped with 20 friends from my church to Charlotte, NC for Elevation Worship's live album recording of "Wake Up the Wonder." I got to worship with ~13,000 people in the Time Warner Cable Arena!

AUGUST: Went on a 8 day Royal Caribbean cruise with my friend Nancy to visit Haiti, Jamaica, Cayman Islands, and Mexico. It was my first cruise and most definitely won't be my last!

SEPTEMBER: Went to visit my high school best friend Kori out in Los Angeles, CA. It was my first time to California and my first time to the West Coast.

OCTOBER: Went to Wake Forest, NC for Halloween to visit my little nephew, aka elmo. ;)

NOVEMBER: Enjoyed a snowy, white Thanksgiving with family in Stroudsburg, PA.

DECEMBER: Celebrated the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ for Christmas in my hometown, Newport News, VA.

It was a year filled with immense blessing, huge travels and adventures, and many loved ones. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in 2015!