Bridge of Light

"Just when you think,
Hope is lost
And giving up
Is all you got,
Blue turns black,
Your confidence is cracked,
There seems no turning back from here

Sometimes there isn't an obvious explanation
While the holiest hearts can feel the strongest palpitations

That's when you can build a bridge of light,
That's what turns the wrong so right
That's when you can't give up the fight

That's when love turns nighttime into day,
That's when loneliness goes away,
That's why you gotta be strong tonight,

Only love can build us a bridge of light

What Goes In, Must Come Out

Well, I guess that blog title could sound pretty gross if you think about bodily functions. But hey, it's a part of life! I'm just getting real. Whatever you eat and put into your body, must come out. Anyways, you get the point, I don't think I need to go into more details with that. But, with that same thought process, you can draw an analogy into your spiritual life. What you put into your heart and mind, is what will come out of your heart and mind. What you pour into your life, is what will pour out of your life. Get it?

3am

It's 3am, and I'm sitting here wide awake. It feels like it's over...well, the whole world keeps telling me it's over and to move on? Why can't my heart detach? Some people understand...the ones who really listen and look beyond the surface. Others want what is best for all involved, and it makes sense, it really does, but why won't my heart and mind follow in suit? I don't want to lose the memories, forget the love I had for you, and possibly the love you had for me. I don't want to lose you. Deny that it was love? No, I won't do that. Maybe I can't move on because I don't want to abandon you or give up on you. The words of others resonate in my head asking, do they really need you? No, I know not...your smiles are beaming and I pray they are true. Your silence speaks louder than words. Perhaps the truth is I feel abandoned myself. Perhaps I fear ever finding a connection like that with anyone else. Fear of the future, fear of love...who knows, fear is fear. There are just some people that come into your life and leave you forever changed, and without a doubt, you are one of them. Without a doubt. Three and a half years later, and the pain feels just as real, just as sharp. I miss you. I miss you so much. There is an empty space in me that has felt empty for so long. Maybe I don't try to fill it because that hole and void is the only trace I have left of you. Good days and bad days come and go. When something is broken, unless you give the pieces back to the Creator to let him put it back together, it will stay broken. But, I am holding tightly to the pieces...I don't even know where all the pieces are. Maybe it's time to move on....that's what you wanted all along right? We both go our different ways and erase each other from our lives. Act like we never even knew each other? I don't even know how to do that. Why would I do that? Right, because it's what is best for all involved. Right. I don't know how to act like the most important person in my life never existed. I don't want to act like you never existed. This is a 3am rant, and who knows what I am saying on this thing. Maybe it's time to move on...maybe it's time.

Need You Now

"Need You Now" by Plumb
 
"I want to believe there's beauty here.

Cause oh I get so tired of holding on,

I can't let go, I can't move on,

I want to believe there's meaning here.

How many times have you heard me cry out

'God please take this?'

How many times have you given me strength

to just keep breathing

Oh, I need you,

God, I need you now."

Seriously, Lord, how many times have I cried out, God please take this?

But you can't take it from me, Lord, if my hands are clenched tight around it...

Let Me See Redemption Win

"Worn" by Tenth Avenue North off their latest CD called "The Struggle"

"And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know the sun can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn"

One Thing Remains

"Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me

Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me

On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul"

Every Season

Right now, we are right in the middle of fall. Leaves are changing colors, and some have begun to fall to the ground. Soon, the trees will be bare, and temperatures will start to drop, and we may even see ice and snow. Winter will arrive soon. I love living in a Mid-Atlantic state where we get to experience all four seasons to their full capacity. With each season comes a new scenery and a new sense of beauty. But we can only experience each new season by going through a phase of change.

Seeing with God's Eyes

The following poem came out of the last book I read called Made for Goodness and Why This Makes All the Difference by Desmond Tutu and his daugther Mpho Tutu.

You are my child.
My beloved.
With you I am well pleased.
Stand beside me and see yourself.
Borrow my eyes so you can see perfectly.
When you look with my eyes then you will see
That the wrong you have done and the good left undone,
The words you have said that should not have been spoken,
The words you should have spoken but left unsaid,
The hurts you have caused,
The help you've not given
Are not the whole of the story of you.
You are not defined by what you did not achieve.
Your worth is not determined by success.
You were priceless before you drew your first breath,
Beautiful before dress or artifice,
Good at the core.

Who Do You Say I Am?

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?” They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Matthew 16:13-16

Jesus asked one of his closest friends and followers, "Who do you say I am?" Peter told Jesus all the different identities and names that others around town had called him. Some of his answers were John the Baptist, Elijah, Jeremiah, a prophet. But the Lord didn't care what others called him at that point. He turned to Peter and asked him what HE called him. Peter declared Jesus was the "Messiah, the Son of the living God."

Who do you say I am?

2nd Heaven on Earth

Well, I've already talked about my first personal heaven on earth in a previous blog post.... OUTERBANKS, NC. My second personal heaven on earth is CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA!

Strong Enough

"Strong Enough" by Matthew West

"You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Even If

"Sometimes all we have to hold on to

Is what we know is true of who You are

So when the heartache hits like a hurricane

That could never change who You are

And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come

And life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God You are good

Forever faithful One

Even if the healing

Even if the healing doesn't come"

Three and a half years later, and the healing still hasn't come. I can't make sense of so much in my life right now. My heart tells me one thing, my mind tells me another. The day tells me one thing, the night tells me another. I can't forget, and I can't move on. I feel like I have had a splitting heart for the last three years. It's broken in so many pieces that I don't even know where to begin to put them all back together again. My mind tells me one thing, my feelings tell me another. The Lord tells me one thing, the devil tells me another. Guilt, shame, and unforgiveness are not of the Lord, yet I feel like I know them better than any other feelings at this moment. Living a life of freedom and redemption seems so far-fetched to me right now. I know it all to be true, but I don't feel worthy. If the Lord can forgive me, why can't I forgive myself? I have so many questions, so many doubts, so many fears...but this song reminds me, that even if the healing doesn't come, even if this pain doesn't stop, God is still God. I will never deny that, and I know that to be true. Even though I feel like I am in the darkest hole of depression, God is still good, and He is still Lord. He will still reign no matter what circumstance I am in, no matter what heartbreak or despair I am experiencing, no matter where I find myself in life. It's the one Truth that cannot be shaken and I will always know to be true - Jesus is my Lord, He is good, and He is Love. I may feel far from His love at times, but it's not because He has pulled away. It's because I have let all these sinful feelings of guilt, shame, and unforgiveness consume my heart and mind. I have hope that His Love will help me tear through all of those feelings and that I will feel whole and free once again. But even now, when healing has not come and my life feels like it's in pieces, I will not turn my back on the Gospel that has always been True, and God who has always been there.

Everyone's Waiting

Missy Higgins released her latest CD The Ol Razzle Dazzle a few months ago and I love it! I love her music! One of my favorite songs off her latest CD is "Everyone's Waiting." Check it out. Sung with so much emotion and feeling behind it...it speaks right to me.

Burdens that Allow Us to Fly

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. That’s the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us, burdens that allow us to fly."

This quote came from the Season 4 finale of the TV show, Bones. I have been watching numerous shows on Netflix, and Bones just happens to be one of them. I just finished Season 4 last night and the finale had that quote in it. I thought it was a beautiful quote.

I have been thinking a lot about love...if it's worth it to fall in love with someone and risk the chance of being heartbroken. Like most people, I have and am experiencing heartbreak. It's one of the worst pains I've ever had to feel, and I would wish it on no one. I said to my friend last night that I didn't believe in the common phrase "It's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all." That's a powerful statement, but when you are in the middle of the 'lost' part, it's hard to agree with that sentiment. Many would say love isn't worth the pain, worth the loss, worth the heartache. Some days I do feel like that, but then other days I feel a small glimpse of hope and love deep down inside that reminds me that I know True Love. The true, unconditional love of a Heavenly Father is a love that surpasses all earthly loves, any friendship love or romantic love. It is just that, unconditional, and does not waver based on how good you are, or how many mistakes you make. It's constant and always there when you need it. When I focus on that kind of love, the love that the Lord has for me, it sparks that tiny flame deep inside of me that tells me don't give up on love just yet. Love is a beautiful thing between two people, it's something special to be cherished and honored and respected. I believe in love, especially on those days when I feel that tiny flame. Yet, I can't wait for that tiny flame to grow into a burning fire.

Heaven on Earth

I just got back from my second mini-vacation to Outerbanks, NC this month. The first one was spent with my family in Nags Head and the second one was spent with friends in Corolla. OBX is my favorite vacation spot! It's like my personal heaven on earth. Why? Because first of all, it's the beach. My family and I absolutely love the beach, love the water, etc. Growing up, my family and I went on vacation to OBX every single summer. It has so many family memories wrapped up into this one location. It has great restaurants (Pizzazz Pizza...my favorite pizza place!), great shops, cool places to see (Jockey's Ridge Sand Dunes, wild horses, lighthouses), and so much more! It's only 2 hours away from my home which makes it a feasible weekend getaway spot for a fun camping trip at Oregon Inlet. I love everything about OBX. It even has one of my favorite restaurants there now called Plaza Azteca. The only thing missing from it that would make it the perfect heaven on earth is a Chipotle! But what I like most about Outerbanks is the bonding with nature and with God that I do while I am there staring out at the vast oceans with my feet in the sand, the wind in my hair, and the beautiful sunsets. It's so beautiful. I love just sitting in quiet at the oceanfront feeling God's presence in the beauty of nature all around me. That's truly what makes it my personal heaven on earth.

"Love Can Bring You Home."

I am reading a book recommended to me called Made for Goodness And Why This Makes All the Difference by Christian Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter Mpho Tutu. Each chapter ends with a beautiful poem written in the voice and perspective of God speaking to us. Here is the poem I read today:

"Why are you running, running, running?

Why are you hiding away?

You may think that what you have done is beyond my power to forgive.

You may think what you have said makes me shrug and turn away.

You may think that you are lost.

But you are not lost to me.

How could you ever be?

Where are you that I cannot go?

Where have you been that I have not been?

What did you see that I have not seen?

What did you do?

No, it cannot be undone,

The pain cannot be unmade,

The life cannot be un-lived,

The time will not run backward,

You cannot un-choose your choice.

But the pain can be healed,

Your choices can be redeemed,

Your life can be blessed,

And love can bring you home."

"To Love at All is to be Vulnerable"

I spend a lot of time thinking about friendships and relationships....what they should be like, what I can do to be a better person and better friend, how to love people unconditionally, etc. It's just something I enjoy to think deeply about. It's hard to be in relationships or friendships after getting burned by people, or rejected, or abandoned. It's really hard to reopen your heart to others, to trust them again, or to even love them like you once loved before. But it's gotta be worth it, right? One of my favorite quotes about relationships and love is by Christian author, C.S. Lewis. He says:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Too Much God?

Is there such a thing as TOO MUCH GOD?

I hung out with a friend of mine recently who has known me for about twelve years. He told me that I talked about God too much and that it was overwhelming. He said that I needed to experience life outside the lens of God.
 

Who I Am

I am a woman, a child of God.

Before my parents even had me in the glimpse of their minds, my Heavenly Father had already formed me in His perfect image.

I am a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ, who I declare is my Lord and Savior unashamedly.

How Can I Come to the End of Me and Still Have All I Need?

Busted Heart

"Busted Heart (Hold On To Me)"
By: For King And Country

"Winter has come back again
Feels like the season won't end
My faith is tired tonight,
And I won't try to pretend,
I've got it all figured out,
That I don't have any doubts,
I've got a busted heart
I need You now
Yeah I need You now

Hold on to me
Hold on to me
Don't let me lose my way
Hold on to me

"Keep Making Me"

"Keep Making Me" by Sidewalk Prophets
Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely

[Chorus]

Brokenness Aside

I discovered this Christian group through a dear friend. It's a guy and girl duo called All Sons and Daughters. One of my favorite worship songs by them is called "Brokenness Aside." Here are some of the lyrics:

"Will your grace run out
If I let you down
'Cause all I know
Is how to run

'Cause I am a sinner
If it's not one thing it's another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
But You are a Savior
And You take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Will You call me child
When I tell you lies
'Cause all I know
Is how to cry"

Forgiveness at the Gas Pump

I pull up to the gas station this evening and start pumping gas. I look to the next pump over and my heart skips a beat. The guy I see there looks just like a guy I use to work with a few years ago. This is not just any guy, but a guy who verbally abused me and harassed me day in and day out at my job. I remember going home crying from work because of this guy. He was cruel, rude, unprofessional, and verbally abusive. I remember trying everything in my might to shower this guy with kindness to try and win him over so our work environment could be more peaceful. Nothing worked. Eventually, I left the job almost solely because of this abusive workplace environment. Back at the gas station, my heart skipped a beat thinking it was him. I looked away quickly and focused on the pump, having flash backs to interactions with him, thinking about what I should say to him in case he noticed me. The words coming to my mind were not nice, forgiving, or Christ-like. I built up enough guts to directly glance back at him to confirm if it was him or not.

What If?

"Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?"

When My Works Are Not Enough

Do you ever feel like what you do in life just doesn't cut it? It doesn't make the mark? You are always messing up, making mistakes, or letting people down? Perhaps you didn't produce the quality work that your boss was looking for at your job, or you took a project in a different direction than your boss had in mind and he asked you to do it over. Or what about your home life? Are you always trying to meet the approval of your significant other? Trying to check off some list to do things right and meet their expectations? Maybe your spouse asked you to fix up the yard, or cook a meal, or do an errand. You do it, and it doesn't meet their expectations. They get angry and it turns into a fight. Or let's say your parents require you to get a job for the summer and you get a waitressing job and they don't approve of it. Or they expect you to go to college, but you have other plans, so they express their disappointment. You feel nothing you can do can satisfy them or make them happy. You feel unloved. You feel tired of trying to meet their expectations. People and life place these demands on us daily. We live in a society that is so focused on our accomplishments, what we do, our successes....our works.

Stop Fighting a Fight That's Already Been Won

"Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave

"Seems like all I can see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me 'son
Stop fighting a fight that's already been won' "

You Hold Me Now

"You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong United is another one of my favorite worship songs right now.

The lyrics that it starts out with are:

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

"Do You Trust Me?"

A good friend of mine from my Community Group shared a video testimony with our group this past week. This man's testimony truly touched my heart. I had heard of him before, but never watched any videos on him or read about his story. This past week at church, we discussed going through darkness in our lives and how God shines light into our darkness. I feel like I have been in a dark time for about three years now. Probably the darkest time in my life thus far.

A Brick in Your Pocket

 Tragedy...loss...burden...how do you deal with it?

On our 8 hour bus ride from San Salvador, El Salvador to Tegucigalpa, Honduras, the bus played a couple movies while we were in route. One movie they played was Rabbit Hole, which I had never seen before. Below is an excerpt from that movie:

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don't think it does. Not for me, it hasn't - has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?

With Everything

"With Everything" by Hillsong

Open our hearts,
To see the things
That make Your heart cry,
To be the church
The You would desire.
Light to be seen.

Acceptance vs. Accountability

Do you accept others for who they are? Do you accept them for all their flaws, weaknesses, and sins? We are called to accept and love all, just as Jesus did. We are called to forgive others just as Jesus forgave us. But why is that such a difficult task sometimes? Why do we struggle to accept and forgive others? We are all sinners and we are all human, so their sins and flaws are no worse than our own. So, isn't it hypocritical to call out others on their sins when you have your own sins?

The Power of Words

Words can be so powerful. The words that come out of your mouth can either build someone up or tear them down. Do you think about everything you say before you say it? Are you making sure your words are being used for a good purpose and in a positive way? Do you hang on the words of others? Just think of the last time someone said something really hurtful or really encouraging to you. The positive, encouraging comment has a much longer, lasting impact and influence for the good, and I believe it is what we are called to do as Christians. Be aware of everything that comes out of your mouth. Using curse words and foul language doesn't make your message any louder or understandable.

Reason, Season, or a Lifetime

My CG and me were discussing a few weeks ago the different type of friends we can have. The phrase "Reason, Season, or Lifetime" came up a lot. Then, we discovered this short poem which really resonated with me. I am a lifetime friend, and I try and make every one of my friends lifetime friends. But, it's sometimes a good, yet harsh reality to realize some friends are just reason or season friends. Here's the poem....

"No other god but me"

Exodus 20:2-5 says:

'I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery. You must not have any other god but me. You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me.'"

Who or what reigns in your life? Who is your allegiance to and what is your top priority? What does all your heart, mind, and soul invest in on a daily basis? Where your time and money are, there is your heart also.

Worry ≠ Faith

Why does life get so busy and stressful sometimes? It's so easy to find yourself running all over the place, from one commitment to the next, without a moment to come up for fresh air and a breath. I'm an overachiever so it's easy for me to get wrapped up in a number of things. I work a full-time job, play on a softball team, volunteer on the production team at my church, lead a young adult small group, and tons more. Sometimes I get so busy going from one thing to the next that I start to lose focus on what's important - which is taking time for God each day. Yes, I talk to God all throughout my day when I'm in my car on my way to work, or listening to worship music like K-Love. But I mean really take some time for God...actually stop in the middle of my busy day to just rest in Him, tell him I love him, and remember that He is in full control of my life. I struggle a lot to stay consistent with my quiet times with the Lord and with consistent Bible reading. I can tell when I have been a few days without the Word - I start to get stressed and filled with anxiety and the thoughts in my mind start to process frantically.

Live Like That

"Am I proof
That You are who you say You are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like Your love is true

People pass
And even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed
When they see me, do they see You

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I'll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back"

Transformation

" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I love seeing transformation in people. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and become born-again believers, we are transformed. We must accept Jesus; He doesn't force himself on us. It's a choice for us. But once we make that decision, life will never be and is never the same. We are claimed by God as His children, and our lives are radically changed. We view things differently, we see the world through a new lens. We view people differently. Our priorities change, what we spend our time and money on, and practically everything. Our old life passes away. New life enters our soul and spirit.

I WANT A PEPSI

I REACHED MY GOAL! Today marks 1 month that I have gone without pepsi! Actually, not just pepsi, but ALL SODA! All I have had to drink in the last four weeks is pure water...nothing else. I had a number of health reasons why I wanted to cut soda's caffeine out of my life cold turkey, but it was also just for the challenge. Can I actually take something that I absolutely love and am addicted to and just cut it out of my life? I went from drinking 4-5 sodas a day to NOTHING for a month! I thought I was crazy for even coming up with the idea, but I know I needed to do it and I wanted to. I wanted to test my self-discipline as well. Could I actually last? Could I really say no in the face of temptation?

You Can Have Me

"When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me
I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart!"

Look to the Heavens

I look to the sky every night and am filled with inexpressible joy.

It reminds me that the Lord is Almighty, Lord over all Creation, Lord over my life.

It gives me a sense of awe that God created the Heavens and the Earth, all of Creation.

I am filled with a sense of peace, knowing He has my life in the palm of His hands.

That is one way I know if I am on the right path with God. When I am not following His will, I can't feel His presence when I look to the Heavens. When I am disobedient to His Will, I look to the moon and feel nothing. But when I am very close with the Lord and seeking after Him with all my Heart, I look at the moon and feel the Holy Spirit fill me with such JOY! Not joy like happy happy joy joy. Joy as if even if my entire life was falling to pieces, I still know the Lord is Good and His Love endures.

This is a picture of the moon that I took on the night of Good Friday this year.
It was a full moon and so gorgeous.

ROARING like a LION!

I'll Follow You

I first discovered this song at an Orphan Helpers Harvest of Hope evening. Our guests performing artists sang it. It was beautiful. The lyrics were so appropriate for our mission and vision at Orphan Helpers. But they spoke to me for my personal faith walk as well. Check it out.

I'll Follow You by Leeland

"Use my hands, use my feet
To make your kingdom come
Through the corners of the earth
Until your work is done
'Cause Faith without works is dead
And on the cross your blood was shed
So how could I not give it away so freely?

And I'll follow you into the homes that are broken.
Follow you into the world.
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God.
Follow you into the World."

Make Your Words Count

In the last month, I or my direct family members experienced three deaths. You can read about it in my blog post here. With death all around, you never know when your last words to a friend or family member may actually be your last. It might sound depressing, but it's the truth. This is why I try to always end conversations with my closest friends with "I Love You." I don't say things if I don't mean it, but I don't want the people in my life to not know that they were appreciated, loved, respected, and cared for deeply.

So make your words count.

The Good Kind of Pain

When I go to the gym to work out, it feels great. I push myself to the limit, trying to workout harder than the last time. Try to do an extra pull-up or two, add an extra 5-10 pounds of weights onto the bar, or a few extra reps. I was raised in a family that is pretty athletic and my father taught my brother and I so much about sports and perseverance. We were taught to strive for excellence and to push on even when we were in pain. Working out at the gym feels great!

From Death into Eternity

The last three weeks have been a weird, emotional roller-coaster. Three deaths in three weeks. Three weeks ago, my family finds out that my grandmother's cousin who was missing for three weeks was found dead in a river. Very few answers, but his car was found stolen a couple states away, and that same individual who was driving his car knew where his remains were. Kidnapping, theft, murder....whatever it was, it was unpleasant to say the least. Then two weeks ago, a family friend was lost to a brain tumor. Then, just four days ago, a friend on my softball team died at the age of 31.

Audience of One

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10 NIV)

Something I struggle with in my faith walk is keeping friends in their proper place. By that I mean, making sure I don't raise my friends up to a higher expectation and higher priority in my life than God. Without a doubt, God is absolutely the most important thing in my life and my relationship with Jesus Christ is what I live for. However, it is really easy to get side-tracked or for my priorities to fall out of balance from time to time.

A Woman's Heart

“A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

All of Me

Dancing in the Moonlight

Did you see this beautiful sight this past weekend?

If you didn't, you missed out! It was a magnificent view of a crescent moon with the planets Jupiter and Venus so close by! But don't worry, that wasn't your last chance to see it. By the middle of March, those two planets will be closer than ever!

LOVE WEEK

This week, my church committed to doing nearly 5,000 hours of community service in Hampton Roads in ONE SINGLE WEEK! Every day, tons of WEC'ers having been going out into the community and wearing their LOVE WEEK t-shirts and sharing the love of Christ by being His hands and feet in our very own community! People have been clearing trails, cleaning up the grounds around schools, helping out at carnivals, painting YMCA's and abuse shelters, helping with Habitat for Humanity, reading to children, helping with homework tutoring, and giving TONS of blood with the Red Cross! A lot of Christians just sit back and go to church on Sunday but then don't live out their faith in their daily lives or out in their communities. I am so proud of my church and everyone who participated this week!

"We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard!" Acts 4:20

Here I am, Lord

This is Not the End

I tried about 10 different YouTube videos to embed this song into my blog post, but it didn't work. YouTube has been tightening down their copyright codes and regulations, and alas, I will just have to post the link to the song on YouTube here instead of embedding it.

"This is Not the End" by Gungor

"Jesus said to her, 'I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?'”
~John 11:25-26~

"But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells. So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him."
~2 Peter 3:13-14~

We are Here for You

I love when my church does new worship songs. They get me so fired up for the Lord for weeks and weeks! Here is "We are Here for You" by Chris Tomlin!

"To You our hearts are open
Nothing here is hidden
You are our one desire
You alone are holy
Only You are worthy
God, let Your fire fall down

Let our shout be Your anthem
Your renown fill the skies
We are here for You, we are here for You

Let Your Word move in power
Let what's dead come to life
We are here for You, we are here for You"

Spirit vs. Flesh

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41

I made it through most of 2011 without barely any sicknesses at all. Then, all of a sudden, in the last month and a half, I have been sick 3 times. Bleh! The first time was a serious cold that left me in bed for 4 straight days with no appetite, serious headache, upper respiratory congestion, sore throat, cough, and drainage. The residual symptoms of that cold which I thought went away, re-emerged 2 weeks later and got me sick again. Bleh again! I lost 7 lbs alone just from those two sicknesses. New diet plan? Heck no. I just had lost my appetite. That is definitely not a healthy way to lose weight. Then, this past week, I caught the stomach flu that has been going around the city and it lasted about 3 days. Triple bleh! I am miserable when I'm sick. I mean, unless I'm dying, I usually show up to work, because I'm really committed to my job and love it there. But these sicknesses took the wind out of me and even made me stay home from work a day or two. When I'm sick, my whole body is weak and tired and I just want to lay in bed all day and sleep.

I Want Somebody to Complete Me

About a month ago, I blogged about embracing your singleness and taking full advantage of the opportunities you have while you are single to strengthen your relationship with the Lord. I mentioned a book called Lady in Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones that I had just recently finished. Last week, I was at dinner with a young lady in my Community Group discussing the exact topics that this book addresses: how hard it is to wait for Mr. Right to come into your life, about trusting God and waiting on His timing, and about not lowering your standards or dating just anybody just to have someone to date while you are waiting for the quality guy to come along.

I would like to offer a new perspective to all of this. The book is called Lady in WAITING. I just put the word WAITING in all caps because I want to emphasize that word. The book title is talking about waiting for "Mr. Right," but at the very end of the book it makes a fantastic point, we don't have to WAIT.

Being a Leader

I never thought I would be a good leader. I have been asked many times over the last 6 years of my life to be a small group leader at my church or in the Christian fellowship at my old college, but I always said no. Why? Because I didn't think I was good enough to be. Don't leaders have to be perfect emotionally and spiritually? If so, that isn't me, so of course I thought the right answer was NO. I was always going through too much stuff emotionally to even be stable enough to lead others. However, after a while, that just became the excuse. I feared failure and I feared failing others. But do leaders have to be perfect in all areas of their life to lead? The correct answer to that is NO.

A Passion for Your Name

I was hanging out with a girl from my Community Group last week. She is a fairly new Christian with tons of questions about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Bible and more. As I spoke with her, she had immense amount of curiosity, joy, and interest overflowing out of her every word! She said to me, "Lauren, I wake up and I am just happy, all the time. How can you not be happy when you realize how much God loves you and what He did for you? I just want to do everything I can to become better because He loves me so much."

From the Rooftops I Proclaim

One of my friends from my CG, Erin, introduced me to the group Jesus Culture about a year ago at the beginning of 2011. They are a Christian worship band with a rock flavor and they remind me a little bit of Hillsong. One of my favorite songs by them is called "Rooftops." Check it out below!

"So I shout out your name from the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours
All that I am I place into Your loving hands
And I am Yours, I am Yours"

The Single Life

Most people dread being single. They are always longing to be in relationship with someone - that special boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife. True, I desire to get married and have kids and raise a beautiful family one day, but for right now, I'm content being single.

Take Action

Usually around this time of the year, many people make New Year Resolutions of ways to change their lives in the upcoming year for the better. Here is one way you can change...

I was in NYC for 5 days over New Years and one thing I noticed about the city was the enormous amount of poverty and homelessness. I've seen a lot of homelessness in Charlottesville where I went to school with the guys begging for money on The Corner or at the Downtown mall. Then in my hometown of Newport News, I interacted with the homeless population a lot more through my last job at LINK of Hampton Roads. I worked for a housing program for the disabled homeless population and also worked as an intake worker at a winter homeless shelter for a year. It was definitely an eye opening experience and I learned a lot about the life of a homeless individual.

However, I don't think I have ever been so moved by the sight of a homeless guy like the guy I saw in Grand Central Station in NYC just a few days ago.