My Favorite Christmas Song

O Holy Night

Do Not Worry

I found out today about very serious health problem with one of my closest relatives and it got me thinking about the sermon from a few weeks back. I remember Pastor Stu saying, "Do Not Worry," it's a command. Jesus doesn't say "Do not worry if you want to" or "Do not worry if you feel like it." It's a command. To me that means that I must strive to be obedient by doing what the Lord says. If He says "Do Not Worry", I must try my hardest to trust in Him that He has everything under control. Once I found out this news about my relative, I almost panicked. But then I stopped myself and said in my head, "Do Not Worry". Why must I worry about something that I have no control over. The Lord has a plan and He knows what He is doing. The most I can do is be there for that individual, pray for them, and continue to give them encouragement. Tonight in Community Group we talked about that concept of Jesus' commands. He tells us NOT to worry. He also tells us to be thankful in ALL circumstances. These are two commands that are really difficult to accomplish all the time. But if I start doing them out of obedience to Christ, then eventually it will become more natural and automatic and my heart and mind will start to change. My worry will start to consume me less and I will find myself thankful in more situations. I'm not saying this is easy to do, because its not. But it is a goal and something I can strive for. Today, after I realized that my relative is in God's hands and not mine, it gave me a sense of peace. Imagine that...as a result of obedience, the Lord grants peace and blessings. I should try that more often, eh? Well, that is just something to chew on for the week. Think about it.

The Smallest Thing Can Make All the Difference

Revelation through a Stranger

"You worry a lot, don't you?", said the homeless gentleman to me as he looked me in the eyes. "Why do you say that?", I responded. "Well, I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your face. What are you so worried about?" This was the start of a very interesting conversation I had with one of the gentlemen at the homeless winter shelter this evening. It's amazing what a stranger can tell about you without even knowing your background or what you are going through in your life. He could just see it in my eyes.....in my face. Wow. Well, he is right. I am so stressed and overwhelmed with life right now that even a stranger can see it on my face. He and I continued the conversation which lead us to Matthew 6:25-34,

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

A homeless man, who spends each day and night not knowing where his next meal will come from or where he will lay his head to rest that evening, was telling me not to worry. That put life in a new perspective for me. I am blessed with so much - a roof over my head, nourishment for my body, a loving family and supporting friends, and a relationship with the Lord which surpasses it all. Why do I spend so much of my day worrying about the things that I either can't control or should have faith and trust that the Lord has it in His hands? This is a hard lesson to learn - to relinquish the control of my life to someone other than ME. But isn't that what we are called to do when we become saved and declare Jesus as our Lord and Savior? I need to stop trying to do His job and trust that He will take care of me.

I just love how the Lord sends messages to us in whatever form and through whomever He sees fit, even if it might be through a homeless stranger. Keep your eyes open - He may be trying to speak to you through an avenue where you least expect it.

Struck Down but not Destroyed...

I just got home from a very long day at work. It was one of those days where you just want to raise your hands up in the air and yell, "I give up!" I am so tired....no, exhausted is more like it. I feel a little lost on the inside. I'm trying to stand up for what I believe and to not give in to the world. Everyday I am faced with things that are truly challenging me and draining me. My relationships are strained, my job is stressful, and I have the world breathing down my neck. I have just gotten to a point where I want to run away and leave my troubles behind. But we are called to stand firm in Christ when we are weak and let Him be our strength. These verses came to my mind this evening...

2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

I love scripture when it speaks such truth and encouragement. We are told that as Christians, we are going to be pressed, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down. But the Lord promises that we WILL NOT BE DESTROYED and WILL NOT BE ABANDONED. I need to remember that as I go through hard days at work like today where I feel like I can't take anymore. The Lord will not abandon me and I just have to press on. Everything I am dealing with here on this earth is just a momentary glimpse of the eternity I will be spending in Heaven. To get through each day though, I really need to start asking the Lord for more patience and strength...

It's Never Easy Changing Direction...

"Trust You" By Brandon Heath

I can’t walk without watching where I’m going
I can’t speak without knowing what to say
I can’t love without any hesitation,
‘cause I know that you don’t work that way
I can’t reach without something to offer
I can’t come now, I am so ashamed
I can’t hold out for you any longer,
‘cause I know that you don’t work that way

I’m not gonna fight you anymore
I’m not gonna try to lock the door
You took your life and gave me yours
There’s no reason why, I shouldn’t trust you with mine

It’s never easy changing direction
It’s so unnatural to loosen up my grip
Are you growing weary, of all my good intentions,
‘cause I know that you don’t work that way

I’m not gonna fight you anymore
I’m not gonna try to lock the door
You took your life and gave me yours
There’s no reason why, I shouldn’t trust you with mine

Some days this weight upon my shoulders
is my shame I know I should know better
‘Cause you say that I must now surrender, there’s no other way

I’m not gonna fight you anymore
I’m not gonna try to lock the door
I needed life, you gave me yours
You took your life and gave me yours
There’s no reason why, I shouldn’t trust you with mine

I’m not gonna fight you anymore
I’m not gonna try to lock the door
You took your life and gave me yours
There’s no reason why, no good reason why
I shouldn’t trust you with mine

My Life

I love waking up in the morning to the reassurance that I get another day and another chance to live my life for the Lord...

I love listening to K-LOVE as I get ready for work so I can focus my heart and mind on the positive way I can influence others throughout my day...

I love smiling real big to all the people who I pass on the road who look miserable that they are on their way to work...

I love going to my job knowing that I can make a difference in someone's life that day...

I love being challenged in different ways that I know if I choose the right way, I can stand out above my peers and hopefully point them towards the Lord...

I love just sitting down with a co-worker or my boss or a good friend and talking about the things that matter in life, such as relationships, loving people, faith, God...

I love calling all my close friends on my way home from work just to tell them I am thinking of them and miss them and love them...

I love going to Community Group and sharing life together with a group of ten others who love and live for the same God as I do...

I love using my gifts and talents for the Lord when I get to run media at church...

I love spending quality time with my friends one on one and really finding out what is going on in their life beneath the surface...

I love going to church on Sundays and feeling like the Lord is speaking directly to me through a song's lyrics or through the sermon...

I love coming home late at night and looking up to the heavens and seeing the stars and the bright moon and knowing that my Lord created all of that beauty...

I love laying down at night knowing that when my emotions and thoughts become overwhelming, the Lord knows what is in my heart and is there to comfort me if only I reach out and call His name.

Food for Thought

Excerpts from the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.

"Why do so few women have anything close to a life of romance? Loneliness and emptiness are far more common themes--so entirely common that most women buried their longings for romance long ago and are now living merely to survive, get through the week. And it's not just romance--why are most of the relationships of women fraught with hardship? Their friendships, their families, their best friends all seem to have come down with a sort of virus that makes them fundamentally unavailable, leaving a woman lonely at the end of the day. Even when relationships are good, it's never enough. Where does this bottomless pit in us come from?"

"We hide because we are afraid. We have been wounded and wounded deeply. People have sinned against us and we have sinned as well. To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less. At least that is what we think. And so by hiding, we take matters into our own hands. We don't return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts. And it has never occurred to us that in all our hiding, something precious is also lost--something the world needs from us so very, very much."

Make me Aware!

What is sacrificial Love?

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
~ 1 John 3:16 ~

The Lord modeled a way of life for us to admire and follow in our own lives. As it says in 1 John, Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. That shows a type of agape love that goes beyond anything I can wrap my mind around. God sent his only son to this earth to be a living sacrifice for US, for our sins, so that we can have abundant life! That leaves me speechless most times. But then I read the second half of 1 John 3:16 about how we also should lay down our lives for our brothers. Wow.

Over the last couple weeks, I have been thinking about what it actually means to act out of sacrificial love. Is it any different than selfless love? Well, no, I think selfless love is all a part of the concept. Sacrificial, or selfless love, is all about laying down yourself for another. This may mean laying down your own desires, wants, ego, pride, thoughts, opinions, or even one's actual life for the betterment of another. Sound difficult? Well, yeah, because it actually is. It sounds pretty scary and terrifying and impossible at first. But when I thought deeper into it, what better way is there to show someone you love them than by sacrificing something for them?

Okay, so putting this into a practical application instead of just conceptual - here are some examples. Perhaps you have a friend who is an alcoholic or has a problem with drinking. So that you are not a stumbling block for that friend, how about sacrificing your freedom to drink alcohol and choose not to drink anytime you are around that friend? Or cursing....if you know that a friend is trying to purify their language, don't you think it would be more encouraging to them if you tried to help them by not cursing around them? Or perhaps you are in this endless debate or argument with a friend that you know is tearing down the trust and bond between you and that person. Why not just drop the argument and choose to love the other person for who they are and for their own beliefs and perspectives? God made us each unique and different, so why do we let those differences destroy some of our friendships and relationships? Shouldn't we just embrace them and see the beauty in those differences.

Those are just a few examples that I have seen in my life recently, but I'm sure there are many more that may be even more difficult to compensate for. It's a bold and daunting task to love someone with a sacrificial and selfless love, but we are called to do it. And what greater calling is there?

Christ in the Workplace

I was speaking with one of my co-workers today about how religion varies in different countries. In some places, one's religion is their way of life. In America, our secular culture has made religion be this secondary element to one's life, just something we do on Sundays and the holidays. But really, that's not how it should be, or at least, that's not how I see it. I believe that my religion, or in other words, my faith, is my way of life. I want people to be able to look at me at any point in time and in any context and be able to tell that I am a person of faith and a Christ-follower.

Recently, I have been thinking about my impact as a Christian in the workplace. I have been at my new job for only two months now and already I have come face to face with decisions where I can choose to fade in with the rest of society or stand up for what I know to be right and true. Sometimes I can think and pray over an issue so many times and still find myself stuck in a cloud of confusion. However, after speaking with one of my most respected mentors* last night, he was able to bring clarity to the subject while also challenging and calling me to rise above the norm.

I know my workplace conflicts are not uncommon. Perhaps you too have a co-worker that you don't get along with, or you don't agree with how your supervisor or boss runs things. Or perhaps you see actions and behaviors going on that you feel convicted are wrong because of your faith and beliefs. I was struggling with the balance of having to respect my earthly authorities and their orders while also standing up for my faith and what I know to be right. Where is the line? My mentor looked me in the eyes last night and said boldly, "This is not ok," and I believe him. I know I have to make some changes. Instead of just trying to lead by example with my actions, I also need to learn when and where to speak up and lead by words. I think it will be difficult to choose the right thing to say at the right time when I am treading with my job on the line. But, I have to take that chance and stand up for what I believe. I know that the Holy Spirit will give me the words when I need them.

I am excited to know that I can be used by the Lord at my workplace. I pray that I can be a humble follower that can be used by God in whatever environment He needs me and to whomever needs to see the gospel lived out. It's time to stop being just a passive follower and to start taking action. My goal is to live my life out of Truth and Love, but currently my focus is to figure out how to transfer that philosophy into my workplace fully. I'll keep you updated.



*A HUGE thanks to my mentor...you know who you are. ;)

Though I sleep, my heart is awake...

Lyrics for "I am Yours" by Misty Edwards

Though I sleep, my heart is awake
Though It's night, on You I wait

It's been a long night, and I am weary
It's been a long time, and I am hungry
So I'll wait in the stillness again
I'll wait in the quiet again
For when I heard Your voice
When You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned

In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
In the middle of the night
My heart it yearns

Though You're far away, still I'm here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours
And when You feel so far away, still I am here to say
I am Yours, I am Yours

And I pay my vows, no turning around
I burn the bridges that can't be found

For when I heard Your voice
And You said my name
When I heard Your voice
My heart it yearned
For You.

What do you want to be known for?

Last week at Community Group, the question was asked "What do you want to be known for?" That is a very good question for us all to think about. It initially made me think of Nichole Nordeman's song "Legacy" with the lyrics:

"I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy"

What kind of legacy do I want to leave on this earth after I'm gone? When people say my name, what do I want to be remembered for? First and foremost, I want to be known as someone who loves and lives for Jesus. There was a point in college where I was stressing about what my calling in life was and what type of job I was going to end up in after I graduated. I came to the realization that I already have the most important calling on my life - and that is to love God and love people. I strive to make that my goal each and everyday. The second thing I want to be known for is a good friend. Ever since I can remember, I have taken my friendships really seriously. Commitment, loyalty, love, accountability, selflessness....all of these and more are elements that keep a strong friendship together. I strongly believe it's the little things in addition to the big things that count in these relationships. That extra text or email just to tell them you are thinking of them or praying for them. Remembering the small details of their life so that you can ask them about it next time you see them. Making a home-made card just to tell them how much you care for them. These are just some of the things that I do in order to show my friends I love and care for them. The thing about taking friendships so seriously though, is that sometimes you aren't met halfway by the other friend in care or effort. I have learned through many specific friendships all the way back to middle school, that it's really about giving and not expecting them to always return the favor. My commitment to certain friendships has left me in hurt many times. I ask..."Why don't they ever call me?" or "Why did they just stand me up to hang out with their boyfriend?" or "Would they have ever done that for me?" Well, the truth of the matter is, sometimes the answers are not so pleasant. I was talking with one of my best friends recently about love languages and how different people show they love you in different ways. Some use words of affirmation, some quality time....others receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. In the same way, I believe friends use different languages to show they care. Perhaps the small details are my way of trying to be a good friend. For those friends who I once thought didn't care as much, I've realized that they are just speaking a different language. It's all about identifying the language, accepting it, and acknowledging it. But then there are just some friends, that you never learn their language and it seems like there will always be an unbalanced relationship. The Lord taught me to give and love, even when no love is returned or even if one is met with rejection or hatred. This is where I charge myself to stand out above the rest - and I challenge you to do the same. Reach out to those on the sidelines. Tell that friend you love them. Send a card to that long-distance friend. Give without expecting a return. Love in spite of hatred and adversity. I want to be known as a good friend and this is what I try to do everyday so that becomes my legacy.

What legacy do you want to leave behind?

The Alchemy of Love

"You come to us
from another world

From beyond the stars
and void of space.
Transcendent, Pure,
Of unimaginable beauty,
Bringing with you
the essence of Love

You transform all
who are touched by you.
Mundane concerns,
troubles, and sorrows
dissolve in your presence,
Bringing joy
to ruler and ruled
To peasant and king

You bewilder us
with your grace.
All evils
transform into
goodness.

You are the master alchemist.

You light the fire of love
in earth and sky
in heart and soul
of every being.

Through your Love
existence and nonexistence merge.
All opposites unite.
All that is profane
becomes sacred again."

~ by one of my favorite poets Rumi ~

Rend, Rend, Rend...

There is no such thing as Perfect People

"There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God"

Be small enough to hear me now...

"Small Enough" by Nichole Nordeman

All I want is You to have Your way

"You are the Potter and I am the clay". What does this one line mean? It really provides a powerful image if you think about it. The Potter is in control of the clay. The clay is molded and formed by the Potter's hands. The Potter has an image in mind of exactly what the finished product will look like. Before the clay is even in his hands, the artist creates the masterpiece in his mind. In the same way, the Lord knows exactly who we are before we are even formed in our mother's womb. The clay is soft and easily molded into whatever shape the Potter sees fit. In the same way, the Lord molds us into the child He wants us to be. He sets in us a heart for Him and a heart to be in relationship with Him and with others. Once the clay is formed into the ideal artform, the Potter places it in the kiln to be fired and set in place permanently. We have already been formed...we have reached the ideal artform, and we are constantly being refined and placed into the kiln by the workings and presence of the Holy Spirit. Our clay artform may get broken and battered, chips may come off, and dents may be made in it. But the Lord fills in our empty holes, and places us back into the kiln time after time to refine us into a more pure and holy follower of his son Jesus Christ. I pray that I can continuously be open and willing to be thrown back into the kiln over and over again. I pray that I can be aware of the Holy Spirit's workings in my life so that I can come closer and closer to being the true child of God that He has designed for me before I was even born.

Listening to: "Finally I Surrender" by Misty Edwards

There has never been a Greater Love

Have you figured out I really like Brandon Heath right now??

Here is "No Not One" by none other than Heath himself.

Chorus:
"There has never been a greater love
Than your son
No. Not one
And there’ll never be a name above
No, Not one
With his life you have forgiven us
Hope has come
Hope has come
And there will never be a greater love
No, Not one"

Relief

The swirling colors
Melt into one
Is it black or is it gray?
One may say,
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Take what you get
And make it shine.
How do you bring energy
To that which is dull?
How do you bring light
To that which is dark?
How?
Inner pain which tears cannot relieve
They come as if the well never dries.
Masked and hidden,
The day never sees what lies beneath.
Grasping, reaching, seeking
For any relief,
Found in all the wrong places.
The Truth remains,
Deliverance remains,
Soul satisfaction remains,
In the Son of the Most High.

To Bring My Soul to You

"Let Me Sing" by Todd Fields

I Love The Word

Romans 12:9-21

^"9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. ¹⁸If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. ²⁰On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Amen.

Give Me Your Eyes

I find my new job is challenging me in many different ways. For one, I have realized I don't work well with just anyone. For some reason, a co-worker and me just seem to butt heads everyday. It really just came to a climax yesterday and boiled over inside of me to the point of driving home in tears. I truly want to follow Christ's example in this situation. I want to show this co-worker love and respect, even if he drives me up the wall and is rude and disrespectful to me. I pray that I can keep my patience with him and bring in my boss' authority when appropriate. I also just pray for him. One of my friends reminded me that we are called to pray for and love our enemies and those that persecute us. I wouldn't say he is my enemy, but he is definitely someone I do not get along with. So, we'll see how this goes.

My job has also opened my eyes to so many things. I have been working with the homeless and a clientele population that is so much different than what I'm use to interacting with on a daily basis. I knew going into this job that it would be challenging to see what some people live like and the depravity in their lives. After being at my job for only a month, my heart has already been tugged on numerous times by my client's situations. There are times when I am just watching a client's life fall apart before my eyes or I am listening to them tell me about their latest crisis and my heart just breaks on the inside.

It's only Tuesday and my week has been torn to pieces simply by these two aspects of my job. I am finding myself listening to Christian music on the radio and CDs more and more to keep my mind focused on what is important. I can only do so much to make right with my co-worker. It is my job to continue to pray for him and seek out ways to respect him and love him so that I am showing the light of Christ. And with my clients, I can't directly pray with them because we are a federally funded, interfaith non-profit - but I can pray for them in my own time. I can only do so much. God is the ultimate Healer. Even in my own life, I have seen how God is slowly mending my heart. It's a far way off, but I know He will make it complete one day.

Currently listening to: "Give Me Your Eyes" by Brandon Heath

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LrJTpfK0JI

Chorus Lyrics:
"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see"

I Thirst for you, Lord

I read this passage in The Secret of Christian Living last night and it really challenged me to try and live my life this way.

"We must know why God puts us in the world today. May I speak frankly of hunger and thirst after righteousness in sinners and saints. As we go out to serve we must be able to create in men a thirsty heart. In us there should be such an intangible refreshing power and supply that people who meet us cannot help but seek after God. When people are in touch with us, a kind of thirst after God should be produced in them by us. If, though, they see and communicate with us often and yet we fail to create in them a longing for God, this will be our failure. Or if we pray, read the Bible, serve, and preach the gospel and yet we are unable to make people thirsty after God, this too must be considered to be our failure."

I don't think the responsibility lies wholly on us to "convert" someone. I mean, truly, conversion and salvation are completely between God and that individual. The most we can do is live our lives in a way that points them in the right direction and creates that sense of thirstiness of curiousity in them. We must plant the seed, and the Lord will do the rest. This passage just really challenged me to reflect on my life to see if I am living in a way that causes other people to seek after God. I long to live my life like that, so that is a challenge I take upon myself for the future, and I challenge you to do the same.

Glory to God Forever!

The song that has been in my heart all week is the new single,
"Glory to God" by Fee.

"Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your Glory,
Take my life and let it be Yours!"

"The Sun will Change the Way I Feel"

Driving home from work today, the radio was completely off and I just stared out the window to the bright, setting sun. There is something about the sun and the moon that instill such a sense of peace in me. Often, it is the moon, but today the Lord used the sun. I am so overwhelmed with life and emotions right now and I feel like I'm struggling to get from morning to morning. I hate getting so caught up in my own life sometimes that God has to send me little signs to remind me "Hey, I got this under control...please just rest in Me." But oh man, do I thank Him for those signs, because without them, I would be a mess. The sign tonight was the sunset. It was gorgeous. It was like the bright rays were holding God's presence and were penetrating straight through the window into my heart. I have had this heaviness on my chest 24/7 recently. I'm sure its the built-up anxiety, fears, emotions of my life, but it honestly is too much for me to handle on my own. Sometimes I try to make it through the day and carry it all on my own, but then I crash and burn...seriously crash and burn by the end of the night. But days like today, God sent me that beautiful sunset to remind me that He is there to help me carry my burdens. He is my support, my foundation, my helper, my comforter, my everything! That simple, yet miraculous beauty was able to transform my broken heart to one that has found a little more peace and rest. Thank you, Lord, for the signs.

Currently listening to: "The Sun Will Rise" by Brendan James



"The sun will rise, the sun will save me.
The sun will change me, change the way I feel.

The day will make this hard of fortune,
From the fruit of a hundred orchards,
From the water river's break.

The sun will rise, the sun will save me from the night.
The sun will change me, change the way I feel.
I've had enough of the hard and harder,
Times are tough,
I've drifted farther, farther from myself.

I won't dwell, baby, on my failures.
It won't help, baby, it won't bring changes.
I won't run, baby, when all I want is to run.
I won't forget the morning sure to come.

The sun will rise, the sun will save me from the night.
The sun will change me, change the way I feel.
The love I want, the love I need is sure to come,
Is sure to lead me, lead me home again.

The light is low, the night is burning.
My head is still, but my mind is turning, turning round again.
If only I could make it through this lonely night,
If I can do this, if I can drift away.

Then the sun will rise, the sun will save me from the night,
The sun will change me, change the way I feel.

It Comes.

Arise! awoken in a daze.
Rewinding the night's vision.
Deciphering reality from fantasy.
Worn, tired, restless.
Grasping the new day.
A chance to live anew.
An ember of hope penetrates my mind.
Step by step pressing on.
Only a few breaths in -
found lost in the chaos.
Unaware, unprepared.
It comes everyday.
No matter what. It comes.
Trials and darkness.
Clouded vision, corrupted truth.
Brokenness and buried love.
Temptations and fears.
Our nature ensures its arrival.
Over and over again it comes.
But the LIGHT appears.
At first a glimmer, then blinding.
Is this reality? It's so beyond.
Fullness, a complete whole.
Indescribable peace and love.
It comes everyday.
No matter what. It comes.
Clouded vision stripped clear.
Awareness of love.
Experience infinity within the finite.
It wraps and holds tightly.
Carrying on til the stars rise.
So true and so real.
'Rest in Me' echoes loudly.
'Rest in Me.'

Break Free

I am SO excited about my new church, Water's Edge! I love the worship, the messages, the people...and this is only after being there for three weeks. The new sermon series that the pastor is on right now is called "Break Free." I love how God sends you messages exactly when you need them and you feel like you are the only person in the audience that the pastor is speaking to. I felt like that this morning again. The sermon was on breaking free from the submission to worry. We all worry. Well, I will speak for myself. I know I worry about anything and everything. Recently, I have just been worrying and fearing about the future of certain relationships in my life. I have old friends coming back into my life, new friends coming into my life, and many of my best friends going off and getting married! So I often spend a lot of my time thinking about how those relationships are going to change in the future. Am I going to see my newly married friends at all? Am I going to be able to balance all of my current friendships even though many of them are becoming long distance? Always so many questions running through my mind. There are so many occasions where I ask God for the answers and he just whispers back to me, "Be calm my child, I have all the answers, you only need to trust me." Man, if it was only that easy. haha. Well, the three steps that the pastor gave to breaking free from worry are this:

(1) I will think like God says to think
- don't ask "what if?" but replace that thought with "I can do all things through Christ"
- 2 Cor. 10:5 "...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ"
- Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
(2) I will do what God says to do
- freedom is always connected to obedience
(3) I will trust God with everything else
- worry is the antithesis to trust and faith
- worry diminishes the power and greatness of God

So that's another goal I am going to focus on now and in the future. Worry less, trust more!

Song that goes great with the sermon theme..."Break Free" by Hillsong United.

Love vs. Fear

Love...faith...fear...hope. How do they all balance out in life and in relationships? Yeah, I'm not going to try to answer all that in a single blog, because I'm not sure if I truly know the answer. I think a lot of us spend our whole lives trying to figure that out. I think many of them go hand-in-hand such as faith, hope and love. But what about fear? How does that play into it all? I've been thinking a lot about these concepts over the last few weeks. Can you ever have too much love? Too much fear? Too much hope? Or do you need them all to work together as a sort of checks and balances system? I believe we are called to love others as Christ did - unconditionally and whole-heartedly. Obviously we can strive to love them as much as possible, but only God can provide for them the Truest form of love. So does that make our love one 'with conditions'? I don't believe so. I just believe we are called to love all of God's children for who they are because they are exactly that - God's children. Now how are we expected to love whole-heartedly when the trials of life often leave us half-hearted or completely broken-hearted? I know it brings up the question of faith and trust a lot. It is natural for us to fear hurt and to fear broken-heartedness, but where do we draw the line? How does one step out in faith and in love if they did that before and it completely failed or blew up in their face? When are we suppose to draw back and protect ourselves and our hearts? I don't know. I've always been the one to just keep trying, keep pressing, keep loving. Can pure love exist without fear? Or are some fears God's way of warning us away from things that are not of Him? Yeah, as you can see, the more I blog, the more questions I ask and the less answers I find. But honestly, life is about questioning, it's about seeking, and it's about striving everyday for God's Will. So I'll leave you with all those questions to ask yourself as I too will continue to ponder them. Let me know if you find the answers ;)

Let go and Let Christ!

There is Victory in Jesus!

Here are a few great passages I read tonight from The Secret of Christian Living.

"Victory is in letting go! Let go! Do not be afraid. You will not fall into eternity. You will fall upon the Rock of Ages. Let go your hand and you will overcome. Victory comes from Christ, not from you. Let go and let Christ, and it is done. For the life of victory is given to one who lets go completely."

"For victory is not proven by long waiting. Victory is believing that regardless the circumstances, the Lord lives in me and for me. Victory comes by one letting go and simply believing. If we fail to overcome, it is either due to our failure in letting go or due to our lack of believing. Otherwise there will be victory."

"To sum up, then, the secret of victory lies in (1) seeing our own impossibility, (2) letting go our hands, (3) seeing the Lord's ability, and (4) having living faith daily, believing that henceforth the Lord is going to live for us."

All of these passages reminded me of an age-old hymn titled none other than "Victory in Jesus".

New beginnings.....and.....new beginnings

I was going to type "beginnings and endings" as my title, but I'm trying this whole positive thinking mentality, and I came up with the more appropriate title as you see it. This summer has been filled with so many new beginnings. New challenges, new invigorated faith, new music, new job, etc. Two big NEW things from this week are my new church I am going to which I love! I thought this church search process was going to be painful and hard and slow. But I have enjoyed the experience of visiting every church and seeing all the new dynamics they bring to the table of how people go about worshipping our One Lord. I have so much respect for the different forms of worship, different denominations, liturgy, etc. After my first couple church visits, I thought I wasn't going to find something that fit me and where I am in my faith right now. But I think I have found the one and this church makes me feel so ON FIRE for God! I love and respect everything that my old church did for me in raising me up in the Word and under wonderful leaders and mentors, but going there became more of a chore to me than something I longed to do every Sunday. I now wish everyday was Sunday so I could attend my new church everyday! Another new beginning....well, at first I thought this was an ending. My best friend is moving across the country.....to NEVADA! Yeah, that's right - NEVADA! lol. I was getting really sad as the summer progressed because I knew this day was getting closer, but when I seriously sit back and think about it - distance doesn't make a difference when it comes to two friends whose friendship is grounded in the love of Christ. And that is what I have with my best friend, so instead of thinking about this as an ending, I intend on thinking of it as a new beginning - a new stage where we get to show each other how we can still love each other in a Christian way even with thousands of miles between us. It's just a new challenge and a new stage of life and I welcome it. It makes me think of the bridge to one of my favorite songs right now by MercyMe called "Homesick."

"In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again"

What is life?

Another excerpt from The Secret of Christian Living by Watchman Nee.

"What is life? Life is something in you which, when it is removed, you can no longer exist. Christ is my life. Removing Him from me, I cannot live any longer. Paul had not said, "I will be like Christ, I will depend on Christ, I will imitate Christ by His power, I will take Christ as my model." No, but Paul did say "Christ is...our life" (Col 3:4) and "to me to live is Christ" (Phil 1:21a). Paul acknowledged that his life was Christ. He lived because Christ lived in him. Take away Christ and he will live no more."

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

Just got done watching the 3 hour movie Gandhi. Wow! Even though I was a Religious Studies major at UVa, I never did any extensive research on Mahatma Gandhi. And I'm not saying that watching a movie counts as legitimate research, but it did give me an introduction to a profound religious leader that had a huge impact on the world through his message of love, truth, equality, and non-violence. Though I do believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ holds the ultimate Truth, I do not deny that other people in this world have brought messages of truth as well. I have been contemplating the many words of truth that Gandhi said, and I challenge you to do the same.

Popular Quotes from Gandhi:

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

"Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, Conquer him with love."

"My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet."

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

"Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart."

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it--always."

"In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth."

Waiting in Expectation

Romans 8:18-25
" ¹⁸I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. ²⁰For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

²²We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

True Faith

So, one really good aspect of being graduated from college is I now have plenty of time to read books that I want to read for my own spiritual nourishment, instead of being loaded down with tons of reading from textbooks for homework. I usually discover all the books I'm reading through recommendations from other people...at least that has been the trend so far for the five books I have read this summer. The book that I'm half way through right now is called The Secret of Christian Living by Watchman Nee. I don't really favor his choppy writing style, but his messages are filled with some heavy doctrine and truths. One illuminating short passage I just read through this week was on the topic of defining true faith. Nee states:

"Faith is not believing God will do it, instead, it is believing that He has done it -- not believing that God will heal, but believing that He has healed. Faith is believing that God has done all things in Christ. Today, I believe that in Christ God has done all; I accept what He has done as accomplished fact. This is true faith."

To me, this is an alternate perspective that I often don't have in my faith walk. I usually pray for things to come to pass-for healing, for sins to be washed away, for reconciliation, for forgiveness. I don't think it is wrong to pray for those things. However, Nee reiterates over and over again in his book that it is important to realize that all of those things have already been accomplished through Christ's sacrifice on the cross. I know that one of my weaknesses is having a pessimistic outlook on life, so I struggle daily with changing my attitude to think more positively. I believe this passage on faith is also a change in attitude and mindset, but it also goes deeper as it penetrates into our spirit. Our faith and spirit should tell us that through Jesus Christ, all of these prayers have been fulfilled and answered. The challenge for us as Christians is to fully embrace and acknowledge what has been given to us by grace so that we can continue to live our lives in the newness of being in Christ.

Even though its gonna take me a little more time, the sun's gonna find me...

Wow, I just recently discovered two Christian music artists that have been changing my life this summer. The first one is Jimmy Needham, who is known for his popular song Forgiven and Loved and one of my favorites The Great Love Story. The second artist is Brandon Heath who is known for some of his songs Wait and See, Give Me Your Eyes, and I'm Not Who I Was. Below I will be posting another song of his called "Sunrise." To me, it speaks to me the message of hope that if you find yourself going through a rough patch of life, it's ok if everything doesn't work out as planned. If healing and solutions and answers don't come in a timely manner, just remember that God's time is not our time. If you think there is no way out, just be patient and trust in the Lord, because He will never abandon you or let you fall.

"Sunrise" by Brandon Heath



Here are the lyrics to the chorus:
All you need is a sunrise
Just a moment of dawn
If you're lost in the twilight
Close your eyes and move on
When you're tired in the waiting
Even though it's gonna take you
A little more time
Just a little more time the sun's gonna find you

"I'm Not Who I Was"

"I'm Not Who I Was" by Brandon Heath

Jesus Won and Filled the Divide

We were separated from God's glory, but Jesus came and filled the divide. His Love fills in the gap. What people see on the outside is definitely not what's on the inside. I still feel so much pain, so much hurt, betrayal, and abandonment. But God's Love is so fulfilling. He sent his son to bridge the gap, to restore all, and give us hope for the future. I feel His love now, it's the only thing that sustains me in these dark nights when I feel helpless and destroyed. Listen to this song by Jimmy Needham. It's so beautiful. It's the song in my heart right now.

"The Great Love Story" by Jimmy Needham

The God of All Comfort

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

" ³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. ⁶If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

"I've been Going through Changes..."

This is a time of change and transition in my life. I just graduated from college and am now trying to make the transition into the "real, working world." Friends have come in and out of my life. Three of my best friends are getting married. Love has come in an out of my life. I have changed residences. I'm even thinking about changing my church and have started visiting new ones. It took me awhile to get to the point where I felt peace in my heart about changing churches because I was raised in the same church family for 22 years of my life. After a rough transition from college to post-college where everything is up in the air, I figured what better time to change this as well. The people at my old church have blessed me more than I can put into words, but the relationships that matter will continue to exist even once I've left there. But, I know it's time to look elsewhere, to find a place that fits me and my growing faith right now. Which brings me to another change in my life. I am changing, my faith is changing. Through my personal struggles and trials, I am learning so many new things about my God and His steadfast love for me even in my weakest of times. I was having a conversation with a good friend a month ago about how she felt like she had no home, no sturdy foundation that she can fall back on. I kinda feel like that myself. SO many things that I put trust in and thought would always be a part of my foundation have been stripped from under my feet. This has shown me that you truly can only put your full trust and faith in the single unchanging factor in all our lives - the Love of the Lord Jesus Christ. People will betray you, people will let you down, people will leave you. Jobs, future plans, all of this can change in a single moment. But the Lord promises to be there for us before and after all these changes. His Love will never leave me and will never betray me. I am learning to let Him be my Rock, my stronghold, and my sole foundation.

Psalm 18:2
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

In the Love of the Father

Not Without Love (The Benediction) by Jimmy Needham

Not my will, but Yours

A friend gave me this book last Christmas but I never got a chance to read it during the school year. It's called The Barbarian Way by Erwin Raphael McManus. It distinguishes between a civilized faith that is stuck in the way of religion, tradition, and ritual from a barbaric faith that is not afraid to step out of society and the norm to live passionately for Christ. It's not that novel of an idea, but it's one that I believe many Christians need to hear. Many of us tend to get caught up in the rules, regulations, and church dogmatics but somewhere along the way we forget to love and live radically. One of the main lines from the book is "Barbarians love to live and live to love." That is such a great motto to live by. I am almost done with the book, but there were a number of short passages that really caught my attention. Here is one of them:

"Just do whatever Jesus calls you to do the moment it is clear to you. Do not procrastinate; do not hesitate; do not deviate from whatever course of action He calls you to. But I want to warn you, the closer you walk with Christ, the greater the faith required. The more you trust Him, the more you'll risk on His behalf. The more you love Him, the more you will joyfully embrace a sacrificial life."

I truly believe this. The closer you walk with the Lord, the more faith and trust is required. I believe spiritual warfare is stronger and the devil has his eye on you that much closer. He desires to find the cracks in us where he can penetrate and feed off our weaknesses. But at the same time, a closer walk with Jesus produces a greater desire to love. I have observed both sides of this equation in my life - the stronger attack by the devil and the even stronger longing to love God and love others.

The passage continues to say...

"Barbarians hear a call different from that of civilized Christians. We understand clearly that we follow the God who chose the way of the Cross. If Jesus would not avoid the 'place of the skull,' then we should not be surprised where He might lead us. If even He found Himself sweating blood at Gethsemane, then we should be certain we will stand at crisis moments where all we can do after asking for relief is declare, 'Not my will, but Yours.' In those moments you may find very few who stand by you to provide you comfort and strength, and strangely enough, you may find far too many trying to reason with you that God would never require so much of anyone. yet even with all the noise pounding inside you rheqad, you will still clearly hear the voice of Christ and His barbarian call if you listen carefully enough."

This passage stood out to me because over the last few months, I feel like the Lord has been showing me that He may require things of me that the world might identify as ridiculous or outrageous. I am learning day by day how to listen more carefully to His call and how to be more obedient to what He requires of me. The world might scream at us - "You don't owe anything to anyone!" But the truth is, I owe God everything! He created me with the one purpose of living and loving and using whatever measures to reach those two goals. I keep asking myself, "Why, why, why?" But really, that is the wrong question to ask. I need to trust that God knows why and He has my life in His hands. All I can do is rely on Him to the best of my ability as He leads me out of this darkness into the light.

You are GOD Alone

"You are God Alone" by Phillips, Craig & Dean

When You Lose Someone

One of the many curveballs that life can throw at you is the loss of someone very close to you. This can happen through many circumstances - through a relationship break-up, a dissolved friendship, someone who moves far away, or even through death. I have been thinking for the last two months about what this should mean and what the effects of it should be, especially for a Christian. I believe that it is normal and okay to grieve and have sorrow towards the loss. One of the hardest things I've discovered is finding someone who can relate to you and your loss. When I was going through the loss of someone very close to me, I found enormous amounts of love and support from all of my family and best friends. But I still felt extremely lonely everyday. People can say they know what you are going through - but do they really? No, every experience and every loss is so personal to each individual. Only you know the intimate and close relationship you had with the other person. I told one of my best friends about this feeling of loneliness and she responded by saying that the Lord knows exactly what I'm going through. I thought to myself - does he really? He hasn't experienced exactly what I'm going through but he did experience a lot - he was betrayed by one of his closest friends, he wept over the death of a close friend, he was persecuted and tortured, he felt the loneliness of being separated from his father, and he experienced death. So even if the Lord has not experienced exactly what I've been through, He has been through enough to be able to emphathize with my pain and suffering. I also had to deal with thoughts such as "how can I survive without this person in my life?" The common response by most is that God's love should be sufficient for me. I understand that concept, but God also placed special people to be in our lives and we are meant to be in relationship with others on this earth. I mean, I guess every relationship that we do have in our life is given by God, so He has the right to give and take away those people at any moment. The battle I've been trying to figure out is how to respond once one of those people has been taken away. If the person is still alive and a romantic relationship or friendship has been broken, we are to trust God that He will protect and watch over that individual and be the center of their healing and hope. I have been through some serious break-ups in my life and I have seen how the Lord has brought a friendship out of a place once filled with so much hurt. With broken friendships, I am hoping and praying the same will occur. If the other individual has passed on through death, we must trust the Lord is also watching over them and that the love we had for that person is still intact even though they are not physically with us. Love is stronger than Death - I fully believe this. Your memories might fade, the hurt might last for awhile, but the love you had for that person will stay strong. When you feel like you aren't even strong enough to make it to the next day because of the hurt and loss, you have to let those around you to carry you through their love and support. Ultimately, it will be God's Love that will sustain you and bring complete healing to your life.

Be a Real Friend

"Friendship has been a source of great pain for you. You desired it so much that you often lost yourself in the search for a true friend. Many times you became desperate when a friendship you hoped for didn't materialize, or when a friendship begun with great expectations did not last.

Many of your friendships grew from your need for affection, affirmation, and emotional support. But not you must seek friends to whom you can relate from your center, from the place where you know that you are deeply loved. Friendship becomes more and more possible when you accept yourself as deeply loved. Then you can be with others in a non-possessive way. Real friends find their inner correspondence where both know the love of God. There spirit speaks to spirit and heart to heart.

True friendships are lasting because true love is eternal. A friendship in which heart speaks to heart is a gift from God, and no gift that comes from God is temporary or occasional. All that comes from God participates in God's eternal life. Love between people, when given by God, is stronger than death. In this sense, true friendships continue beyond the boundary of death. When you have loved deeply, that love can grow even stronger after the death of the person you love. That is the core message of Jesus.

When Jesus died, the disciples' friendship with him did not diminish. On the contrary, it grew. This is what the sending of the Spirit was all about. The Spirit of Jesus made Jesus' friendship with his disciples everlasting, stronger and more intimate than before his death. That is what Paul experienced when he said, "It is no longer I, but Christ living in me" (Galatians 2:20).

You have to trust that every true friendship has no end, that a communion of saints exists among all those, living and dead, who have truly loved God and one another. You know from experience how real this is. Those you have loved deeply and who have died live on in you, not just as memories but as real presences.

Dare to love and to be a real friend. The love you give and receive is a reality that will lead you closer and closer to God as well as to those whom God has given you to love."

All I Can Do is Fall Down on my Knees....and Cry Holy!

"Cry Holy" by Salvador. The video is a little poor, but the song is AMAZING!

Live Your Wounds Through

Hmmm, this chapter was a hard one to read. I'm not sure if I fully agree with all of its points.

"You have been wounded in many ways. The more you open yourself to being healed, the more you will discover how deep your wounds are. You will be tempted to become discouraged, because under every wound you uncover you will find others. Your search for true healing will be a suffering search. Many tears still need to be shed.

But do not be afraid. The simple fact that you are more aware of your wounds shows that you have been sufficient strength to face them.

The great challenge is living your wounds through instead of thinking them through. It is better to cry than to worry, better to feel your wounds deeply than to understand them, better to let them enter in your silence than to talk about them. The choice you face constantly is whether you are taking your hurts to your head or to your heart. In your head you can analyze them, find their causes and consequences, and coin words to speak and write about them. But no final healing is likely to come from that source. You need to let your wounds go down into your heart. Then you can live them through and discover they they will not destroy you. Your heart is greater than your wounds.

Understanding your wounds can only be healing when that understanding is put at the service of your heart. Going to your heart with your wounds is not easy; it demands letting go of many questions. You want to know "Why was I wounded? When? How? By whom?" You believe that the answers to these questions will bring relief. But at best they only offer you a little distance from your pain. You have to let go of the need to stay in control of your pain and trust in the healing power of your heart. There your hurts can find a safe place to be received, and once they have been received, they lose their power to inflict damage and become fruitful soil for new life.

Think of each wound as you would of a child who has been hurt by a friend. As long as that child is ranting and raving, trying to get back at the friend, one wound leads to another. But when the child can experience the consoling embrace of a parent, she or he can live through the pain, return to the friend, forgive, and build up a new relationship. Be gentle with yourself, and let your heart be your loving parent as you live your wounds through."