Enough is enough

A friend recently said to me, "Enough is enough." When will I reach that point? When will I truly be able to let go and let God? When will I stop gripping so tightly to something I care so deeply about but is filled with unfulfilled promises, delusions, and hurt? There is no happy ending there. None. It's all in my head. I keep hoping and wanting more, but it can never be. But I still don't want to let go. Is there a breaking point? If there is, and I haven't hit it yet, goodness gracious, I don't want to see what that will look like. There is so much fear and so much hurt. But I still care...deeply. The Lord says He will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I feel that, believe that, and know that to be true. I feel His peace deep down inside; it's the only thing keeping me from completely unraveling. It may just be a glimmer, but I know it's there. He will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13), at least beyond what I can bear when I am walking through life in His strength. I do believe He will allow us to be broken to the point where we are pushed towards full reliance on Him. He can turn anything for the better; He can make all things new (Revelation 21:5). He can never restore or heal that which I have not fully released unto Him. There is a lot of hurt, confusion, depression, questions....but I will not let my faith falter during this time. I will not turn my back on God. He is my ever present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). I love Him with every ounce of my being. I desire to have my every breath be for His glory, my every word to bring life, my every action to further His Kingdom. I want to be wholly abandoned and emptied unto myself, so that my life can be filled with everything of God, so much so that it overflows to others. I want to become lesser, so He can become greater (John 3:30). Lord, hear my cry. Know my heart. I am not giving up this fight. I will hold onto my faith and seek You. Though I may fail, though I will fail, and make mistakes, Lord, thank you for your grace and mercy, and your unconditional love and forgiveness. I am so not worthy. Lord, I love you. I so deeply love you. When will enough be enough?

What Goes In, Must Come Out

Well, I guess that blog title could sound pretty gross if you think about bodily functions. But hey, it's a part of life! I'm just getting real. Whatever you eat and put into your body, must come out. Anyways, you get the point, I don't think I need to go into more details with that. But, with that same thought process, you can draw an analogy into your spiritual life. What you put into your heart and mind, is what will come out of your heart and mind. What you pour into your life, is what will pour out of your life. Get it?