Forgiveness at the Gas Pump

I pull up to the gas station this evening and start pumping gas. I look to the next pump over and my heart skips a beat. The guy I see there looks just like a guy I use to work with a few years ago. This is not just any guy, but a guy who verbally abused me and harassed me day in and day out at my job. I remember going home crying from work because of this guy. He was cruel, rude, unprofessional, and verbally abusive. I remember trying everything in my might to shower this guy with kindness to try and win him over so our work environment could be more peaceful. Nothing worked. Eventually, I left the job almost solely because of this abusive workplace environment. Back at the gas station, my heart skipped a beat thinking it was him. I looked away quickly and focused on the pump, having flash backs to interactions with him, thinking about what I should say to him in case he noticed me. The words coming to my mind were not nice, forgiving, or Christ-like. I built up enough guts to directly glance back at him to confirm if it was him or not.

What If?

"Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise?"

When My Works Are Not Enough

Do you ever feel like what you do in life just doesn't cut it? It doesn't make the mark? You are always messing up, making mistakes, or letting people down? Perhaps you didn't produce the quality work that your boss was looking for at your job, or you took a project in a different direction than your boss had in mind and he asked you to do it over. Or what about your home life? Are you always trying to meet the approval of your significant other? Trying to check off some list to do things right and meet their expectations? Maybe your spouse asked you to fix up the yard, or cook a meal, or do an errand. You do it, and it doesn't meet their expectations. They get angry and it turns into a fight. Or let's say your parents require you to get a job for the summer and you get a waitressing job and they don't approve of it. Or they expect you to go to college, but you have other plans, so they express their disappointment. You feel nothing you can do can satisfy them or make them happy. You feel unloved. You feel tired of trying to meet their expectations. People and life place these demands on us daily. We live in a society that is so focused on our accomplishments, what we do, our successes....our works.

Stop Fighting a Fight That's Already Been Won

"Redeemed" by Big Daddy Weave

"Seems like all I can see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me 'son
Stop fighting a fight that's already been won' "

You Hold Me Now

"You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong United is another one of my favorite worship songs right now.

The lyrics that it starts out with are:

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

"Do You Trust Me?"

A good friend of mine from my Community Group shared a video testimony with our group this past week. This man's testimony truly touched my heart. I had heard of him before, but never watched any videos on him or read about his story. This past week at church, we discussed going through darkness in our lives and how God shines light into our darkness. I feel like I have been in a dark time for about three years now. Probably the darkest time in my life thus far.