Forgiveness at the Gas Pump

I pull up to the gas station this evening and start pumping gas. I look to the next pump over and my heart skips a beat. The guy I see there looks just like a guy I use to work with a few years ago. This is not just any guy, but a guy who verbally abused me and harassed me day in and day out at my job. I remember going home crying from work because of this guy. He was cruel, rude, unprofessional, and verbally abusive. I remember trying everything in my might to shower this guy with kindness to try and win him over so our work environment could be more peaceful. Nothing worked. Eventually, I left the job almost solely because of this abusive workplace environment. Back at the gas station, my heart skipped a beat thinking it was him. I looked away quickly and focused on the pump, having flash backs to interactions with him, thinking about what I should say to him in case he noticed me. The words coming to my mind were not nice, forgiving, or Christ-like. I built up enough guts to directly glance back at him to confirm if it was him or not.

It wasn't him.

It was a guy that had the same build as him and dressed just like him, but it wasn't him. I breathed a sigh of relief. I did not want to have to face someone that had hurt me so deeply. Because if I did, I don't think my conversation or interaction would have represented Christ. How is it that years later after leaving this job where this guy worked, that I am still hurt and affected by even the sight of this man? I questioned my intentions on my drive home from the gas station tonight. Why didn't I think of words of love and forgiveness, instead of words of hurt and bitterness? I guess the hurt caused by this man years ago never fully went away. One cause of this residual hurt and bitterness is the fact that perhaps I haven't fully forgiven him for what he did. Without true forgiveness, you can never really move on from hurt or pain caused by another. 

I pray tonight that the Lord will continue to soften my heart to this guy and to all who have hurt me in the past. I pray that next time I see this man, that I can greet him with love, forgiveness, and gentleness. I pray I will continue to strive to be Christ-like, and that at all times, my senses are aware of the times when I stray from the imitation of Christ.

Ephesians 4:31-32 "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."