Life and Death

This last month has been filled with a number of encounters of death and life. I have two friends from church who lost their grandmothers within days of each other. As I sat in a row in the back of the funeral home and watched my friend weep as she read a poem about her grandmother, I just wondered...what does death even mean? Why does it have to happen? It brings so much sadness and hurt to so many. I've never lost anyone close to me to death. I've lost people in my life, but not to death. Is perhaps the entire purpose of losing someone or something to show how you respond and react to that loss? If that's the ultimate test, I can say I feel like I'm failing my test. I've let my loss completely unravel me for years. But yet, not without faith. I still believe. I believe in God. I believe in His goodness. I believe He does have a greater plan beyond all the hurt and suffering of this world. It's why He died on a cross for us, so that we can have hope for tomorrow. There are many days I have felt hopeless, but with Jesus, you just keep pushing through it. Someway, somehow. You keep breathing and trying to wake up that next morning. So, what is the purpose of death? Of loss? Another friend of mine just lost her mother to Lou Gehrig's disease in the last week. Although I couldn't make the funeral, I watched a recording of it online. Listening to the testimony of the family and friends who loved her mother dearly, you could hear of the endless lives she touched and impacted. There were numerous people she showed Christ's love to, and as a result, their lives were forever changed. They now know the Lord themselves, or their faith and relationship with the Lord was deepened and strengthened. Maybe that's the purpose of loss right there. Many lives can be changed through just one. Maybe that could be the redeeming quality and goodness that God can bring out of death.

But then also this month, two of my close friends and my sister-in-law all had babies. As I held each of those three babies in my arms, I thought...although there is death in this world, there is also the miracle of life. The Lord both gives and takes away. Although death will inevitably come, He also blesses us and entrusts us to create and bring new life into this world, to continue the cycle, to raise up, and teach them of Christ's love too. The innocence and beauty of a newborn child is enough to revive new hope in me for a new day. With each new day, God grants us new mercies. I will forever hold on to that promise, for myself, and for all those experiencing great loss and hurt in their lives.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Sometimes I can barely breathe...

Sometimes I can barely catch my breath when I think about what has happened in my life in the last 4 years, the struggles and strongholds I have had to overcome (and am still overcoming), and the people I have lost in the process. It's super painful and sometimes even still a little unbelievable to me. I remember growing up and always hearing my friends and people in my church talk about these crazy, life-changing testimonies they had after they became saved and accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior. They would have these intense life situations, sins, or addictions that they had to overcome through the blood and love of Christ. I was never one of those people. I grew up in the church from a baby and gradually learned about the Bible, the Gospel, and God/Christ through weekly Sunday School classes, church services, and youth group. I remember in middle school and high school feeling like perhaps something was missing to my testimony, wondering why I didn't have that big life change. By the time I graduated from high school, I simply accepted and acknowledged that every person has their own unique testimony, and I felt blessed that I didn't have any huge life situations or hurdles I had to face in my life thus far.