Thy Will Be Done

Sometimes our bliss turns into abyss... What once was, and was meant to be, shatters. We set expectations for ourselves and for others, That are unachievable, and always leave us disappointed. We place our hope and trust in things of this world, Things that are without a doubt going to fall through the cracks. We picture love, we dream, we fantasize, Thinking we deserve it all, But what do we really deserve? What does this world owe us? Things that are here today, steadfast, with vision cast far into the future, Look back at us from tomorrow, laugh, and are gone. An emptiness, a void, that you think nothing... absolutely nothing can fill...

- until -

You discover, or rediscover that LOVE, that unconditional, passionate love, undeserving, merciful, forgiving, LOVE. The Love of a Heavenly Father, a God, that looks down on you and just smiles. He sees your weaknesses, your flaws, your imperfections. He sees your fears, your insecurities, your sins, Yet, He loves you nevertheless. Oh, what a love! What an incredible, incredible Love. That Love, that Truth, His Promises, start to fill in that empty hole and void, fill in every open wound and gap in our lives. It restores, it heals, it refreshes, It fills a once hopeless, broken soul back to life again. The pain doesn't go away, it still stings with from time to time, but beneath it all, there is a Hope, a Peace, a Joy, from none other than our Savior Jesus Christ our Lord. Jesus, enter our dark abyss; be our Light! Even when it doesn't make sense, we lay our hearts at your feet, and say, "We Trust You, Lord" - "Thy Will Be Done."

Life and Death

This last month has been filled with a number of encounters of death and life. I have two friends from church who lost their grandmothers within days of each other. As I sat in a row in the back of the funeral home and watched my friend weep as she read a poem about her grandmother, I just wondered...what does death even mean? Why does it have to happen? It brings so much sadness and hurt to so many. I've never lost anyone close to me to death. I've lost people in my life, but not to death. Is perhaps the entire purpose of losing someone or something to show how you respond and react to that loss? If that's the ultimate test, I can say I feel like I'm failing my test. I've let my loss completely unravel me for years. But yet, not without faith. I still believe. I believe in God. I believe in His goodness. I believe He does have a greater plan beyond all the hurt and suffering of this world. It's why He died on a cross for us, so that we can have hope for tomorrow. There are many days I have felt hopeless, but with Jesus, you just keep pushing through it. Someway, somehow. You keep breathing and trying to wake up that next morning. So, what is the purpose of death? Of loss? Another friend of mine just lost her mother to Lou Gehrig's disease in the last week. Although I couldn't make the funeral, I watched a recording of it online. Listening to the testimony of the family and friends who loved her mother dearly, you could hear of the endless lives she touched and impacted. There were numerous people she showed Christ's love to, and as a result, their lives were forever changed. They now know the Lord themselves, or their faith and relationship with the Lord was deepened and strengthened. Maybe that's the purpose of loss right there. Many lives can be changed through just one. Maybe that could be the redeeming quality and goodness that God can bring out of death.

But then also this month, two of my close friends and my sister-in-law all had babies. As I held each of those three babies in my arms, I thought...although there is death in this world, there is also the miracle of life. The Lord both gives and takes away. Although death will inevitably come, He also blesses us and entrusts us to create and bring new life into this world, to continue the cycle, to raise up, and teach them of Christ's love too. The innocence and beauty of a newborn child is enough to revive new hope in me for a new day. With each new day, God grants us new mercies. I will forever hold on to that promise, for myself, and for all those experiencing great loss and hurt in their lives.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Walking Through the Shadows Together

Those who don't know me very well, see my life on the surface and think I have it all together and that I have everything going for me. Those who do know me well, know I struggle with depression greatly, and have done so for a vast majority of my life. I'm not ashamed to say it or confess it. It's a common struggle that many people deal with, but it can be so debilitating at times. Just because I am a Christian, doesn't mean my life is perfect or easy. BUT, it does mean that I have great Hope found in my Savior, Jesus Christ, who has overcome the world and can overcome my depression. He promises to be with me through it all, to never leave me nor forsake me. I stumbled across a blog series this month on depression by a Christian author and thought it might encourage others as it has me. It was posted on Alyssa Joy's blog, the wife of Jefferson Bethke (who is known for his spoken word and his book Jesus > Religion).

Alyssa's Blog: http://alyssajoy.me/journal/hope-in-the-darkness/?tp=1126

God is Light

From Above the Clouds

So, a few weeks ago, I went on a 4 day trip to Chicago to visit my best friend Camil.

Everytime I fly on a plane somewhere, I always make sure to reserve a window seat. I love being able to stare out the window and view all of God's beauty and creation while on my way to my destination. This past trip, when I was flying out of Newport News, the day was kinda crappy weather - gloomy, overcast, rainy. It's just one of those days where it's harder to roll out of bed and you drag yourself throughout your day. But I was amazed as I watched our plane gain altitude in the air, we went through this entire level of clouds. As a plane flies through clouds that are filled with rain, it always causes a little turbulence, but it's to be expected.

Then, right as we reached the top of the cloud line, we surfaced to a whole new world. It was no longer a rainy dreary day - the sky was blue, the sun was shining bright, and it was a beautiful day with a beautiful view! It's amazing how just going through those clouds completely changed my perspective from a dark gloomy one to a bright shining one.That made me think of life and how it's all about our perspective on things. Even if we are in a period of our life that is gloomy, dark, and dreary where it is hard to drag ourselves out of bed and get ourselves through the day, you have to think that just on the other side of those clouds is a day of bright, shining positive joy. It's all in how we view things, and how we think about things. (Phil 4:8) If I just focus on the rain and darkness that I am in now, I will stay in the rain and darkness. But if I focus on the fact that there is hope, opportunity, healing, and joy just through the clouds waiting for me, my whole day and life attitude will be different. It might not be easy to get to there, because there is still that thick layer of clouds to get through with turbulence to be expected, but at least you know that what is on the other side is something to look forward to. Be hopeful. Be faithful. Focus on the positive. See through the clouds to the brighter day.

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

Hope's Anthem

A friend of mine recently gave me a worship mix cd with a bunch of great worship songs. This song, Hope's Anthem, was one of them. Such a great song!

Verse 1
He's awakening the hope in me
By calling forth my destiny
He's breathing life
Into my soul
I will thirst for
Him and Him alone
Pre Chorus
He has come like the rain
That showers on the barren plain
So my heart and tongue confess
Jesus, Christ the Hope of man
Chorus
My hope is in you, God
I am steadfast
I will not be moved
I'm anchored, never shaken
All my hope is in You

Bridge of Light

"Just when you think,
Hope is lost
And giving up
Is all you got,
Blue turns black,
Your confidence is cracked,
There seems no turning back from here

Sometimes there isn't an obvious explanation
While the holiest hearts can feel the strongest palpitations

That's when you can build a bridge of light,
That's what turns the wrong so right
That's when you can't give up the fight

That's when love turns nighttime into day,
That's when loneliness goes away,
That's why you gotta be strong tonight,

Only love can build us a bridge of light

"Do You Trust Me?"

A good friend of mine from my Community Group shared a video testimony with our group this past week. This man's testimony truly touched my heart. I had heard of him before, but never watched any videos on him or read about his story. This past week at church, we discussed going through darkness in our lives and how God shines light into our darkness. I feel like I have been in a dark time for about three years now. Probably the darkest time in my life thus far.