3am

It's 3am, and I'm sitting here wide awake. It feels like it's over...well, the whole world keeps telling me it's over and to move on? Why can't my heart detach? Some people understand...the ones who really listen and look beyond the surface. Others want what is best for all involved, and it makes sense, it really does, but why won't my heart and mind follow in suit? I don't want to lose the memories, forget the love I had for you, and possibly the love you had for me. I don't want to lose you. Deny that it was love? No, I won't do that. Maybe I can't move on because I don't want to abandon you or give up on you. The words of others resonate in my head asking, do they really need you? No, I know not...your smiles are beaming and I pray they are true. Your silence speaks louder than words. Perhaps the truth is I feel abandoned myself. Perhaps I fear ever finding a connection like that with anyone else. Fear of the future, fear of love...who knows, fear is fear. There are just some people that come into your life and leave you forever changed, and without a doubt, you are one of them. Without a doubt. Three and a half years later, and the pain feels just as real, just as sharp. I miss you. I miss you so much. There is an empty space in me that has felt empty for so long. Maybe I don't try to fill it because that hole and void is the only trace I have left of you. Good days and bad days come and go. When something is broken, unless you give the pieces back to the Creator to let him put it back together, it will stay broken. But, I am holding tightly to the pieces...I don't even know where all the pieces are. Maybe it's time to move on....that's what you wanted all along right? We both go our different ways and erase each other from our lives. Act like we never even knew each other? I don't even know how to do that. Why would I do that? Right, because it's what is best for all involved. Right. I don't know how to act like the most important person in my life never existed. I don't want to act like you never existed. This is a 3am rant, and who knows what I am saying on this thing. Maybe it's time to move on...maybe it's time.